6 Signs Lance Armstrong Doped


lance armstrong dopingFederal prosecutors are looking into cheating (read: doping) in professional cycling. As part of the investigation, they've just subpoenaed documents from a 2004 case in which a Texas company tried to prove Lance Armstrong used performance-enhancing drugs.

Is anyone really all that shocked? Anyone?

If you didn't think Lance was doing drugs before all the whispering started, all signs certainly pointed to a big loud "uh, yeah" afterward, when it looks like he kicked the habit, and everything went downhill -- fast.

Here are 6 (unscientific) signs that Lance has probably stopped doping.

  1. He got his girlfriend Anna Hansen pregnant -- twice in two years. Lance clearly loved the single life and was dating every blonde celeb he could find. One reason he'd "slip up and settle down" -- he knew when he wasn't winning races anymore, he'd lose a lot of his "charm." And maybe he knew he'd stop winning because he stopped doping.
  2. Armstrong got super-peeved when Outside Magazine air-brushed his cover image. The editors changed his plain T-shirt to one that read BFD 38. Seemed like a pretty harmless change, considering celebs get their body parts digitally altered all the time. But Lance went a little ballistic. Could have been roid rage. Or maybe he thinks BFD stands for Big "Eff-in" Druggie.
  3. Floyd Landis, a former Tour de France winner, claims that Armstrong was a drug cheat. He told Nightline, "If I'm taking on Lance Armstrong, then that should be evidence enough that there's a problem with the system. At some point, people have to tell their kids that Santa Claus isn't real. I hate to be the guy to do it, but it's just not real." Landis sounds pretty confident -- and believable. The feds certainly think he's credible; it's his accusations that sparked the current probe.
  4. Lance crashed at the Tour of California in May. Lance ditched the race after a "big crash" and ended up in the hospital. Possibly a sign that super Lance was pedaling on his own power and his performance was no longer being "enhanced."
  5. He crashed again (and again and again) at the Tour de France in July. Armstrong got tangled up in three crashes (one of which brought him down) and he struggled to keep up during two tough climbs in Stage 8, the race's first foray into the Alps. In his heyday, whether by luck or quicker reflexes (or doping?), Armstrong almost never crashed.
  6. He hired a criminal attorney. This month, Armstrong hired Bryan Daly, a white-collar criminal defense attorney to represent him in connection with the federal criminal probe into doping. Of course you need an attorney if you're innocent, but you really need one when you're guilty.

So here's the deal. According to the Wall Street Journal, using performing-enhancing techniques in sports generally isn't against the law in the United States. But prosecutors could make the case that Armstrong defrauded investors by accepting sponsorship money with the understanding that he wouldn't dope.

Armstrong has not been subpoenaed, but cyclist Tyler Hamilton, who raced alongside him in the Tour de France in 1999, 2000 and 2001, has been subpoenaed to testify before a grand jury. It makes sense that they'd be gathering evidence against Lance before they charge, uh, subpoena him.

If Armstrong does get charged with anything, it won't be doping, it will be fraud.

Hey Lance, how's your backpedaling?


Image via Peter Huys/Flickr


crime, sports


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

nonmember avatar Joe Williamson

your "6 signs" are 6 worthless lines of the worst based opinions I think I have ever read.  Have you ever watched a single race?  Do you know anything other than what you may read in a tabloid?  Your editor should fire you for being a complete moron!

nonmember avatar H D de Yampert

After reading this article, it is easy to see why the author has done many types of work. Dale Robertson of the Houston Chronicle writes a more professional, fair article than you have.  Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty versus trial by hear say... Let's let the facts, objective data speak truth.


nonmember avatar marie

he did it -- why not just say so? i'd have more respect for him, but now he's a liar too.

nonmember avatar Di

It is so obvious that this is written by someone who knows nothing about sport.  Someone falls, and that is a way to judge that someone was doping....  ????  Lets hope my kids don''t start falling off their bikes.

What amazes me even more, is that this drivel was even published

nonmember avatar Alan Bertrand

Whoa!  No tweaking Saint Lance.  We sanctimonious fans on Cafe Mom have our bike shorts all in a bunch over this.  Say it ain't so, Mr. EPO.

nonmember avatar me

You are a disgrace Susanne, I hope Lance sues your backside off! - your journalistic skills are nil, and belong in the gutter.

nonmember avatar Tom

LOL.....Either produce the smoking gun already or shut it. You want to know who's a proven liar, cheat and a fraud? Mr. Landis! On top of that he has taken money from people to battle his lies. INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY

nonmember avatar Jeff

This is, without a doubt, some of the dumbest stuff I've read in months. I know 12 year olds who present their arguments better than this...

carte... carterbiosea

Unscientific? Try almost libelous.  

1) Getting his girlfriend pregnant means that he has active sperm.  No correlation with doping there.

2)This doesn't even deserve a response. Seriously?

3)Hmm. Floyd Landis lied repeatedly under oath, and only admitted his own doping after all of his appeals were denied.  His opinion doesn't really carry much credence anymore, especially when he has so much to gain by bringing other cyclists down.

4)Every single bike racer ever has crashed.  Levi Leipheimer crashed in that same race, if I remember. If anything, Lance was simply due. The conditions weren't that great.  

5)See above.

6)I believe you are required to have an attorney when involved in legal situations.  

If you're going to accuse someone of breaking laws and jeopardizing everything that they stand for, you might want to have some more credible "evidence."  

If this site wants to be taken seriously as a news source, articles such as this one have no place here.

super... superlois

Wow just Wow,.....this has to be one of the most dumbest and irrelevant articles ever published. The way this is written sounds more like disgrutal ex than a journalist. Like someone said above what happen to innocent till proven guilty. And to base an argument that he's doping on the fact that he crashed in a race and got his girlfriend pregnant twice in one yr is....Wow just Wow

1-10 of 16 comments 12 Last