Sad news, animal lovers. A Miami strip mall fire killed 30 puppies. I know! Horrible. No one likes to hear about puppies dying. It's so awful. Apparently, most of the puppies were French and English bulldogs. You know how bulldogs' distinctive noses and muzzles already cause respiratory problems? Well, the puppies died of smoke inhalation. So awful.

The bulldog puppies go for around $2,000 each, and the owner did not have insurance, so you can imagine what an expensive loss this is. Who cares about the money, though -- the owner says he doesn't care about that as much as the dogs. So many helpless animals died a terrible death. But! There is a little glimmer of hope in this story. Firefighters were able to rescue a handful of the puppies.

During a spa trip for my 40th, it became apparent that when seven moms get together for some R&R, they become alarmists. Yep, we spent much of our "relaxation" time discussing what to avoid and how it could kill you.

I know, you totally want to party with us.

We couldn't even escape our cynical chit chat by catching a flick on pay-per-view. Who was going to risk their lives and touch the germ-laden hotel remote? Someone also mentioned that one should avoid handling menus. Needless to say, this made ordering dinner quite difficult. Thankfully, it didn't hamper the flow of sarcasm and margaritas (my favorite combo).

After my vacay I posted, "A Sarcastic Look at 19 Common Things That'll Kill Ya" and was relieved to learn that I'm not the only lame-o who sits around discussing this crap. So, here's a list of more everyday things I've actually been told to avoid, just don't quote me on the effects.

Reading this list can cause ironic revelations, incontinence, and typhoid:

Candles are lovely. They make great gifts. They smell good. They create a romantic and relaxing atmosphere. And they can burn your house down! Sharon Osbourne has revealed that she's banned all candles from her home after a summer candle accident that left her husband, Ozzy, injured. Apparently Sharon had left some candles burning downstairs -- horribly dumb move -- and then she awoke to the sound of her dogs barking and the smell of smoke.

Celebrities can often serve as useful cautionary tales: Don't smoke and drink or you'll sound (and look) like Lindsay Lohan. Don't use coke or you'll start ranting about tiger blood like Charlie Sheen. Don't have an imaginary girlfriend or everyone will make fun of you like Manti Te'o. Don't add ambience to your house with soothing candlelight or you'll burn the shit out of your house like Sharon Osbourne.

Yes, apparently we all need to add pillars, votives, and birthday cake toppers to the list of dangerous substances that should handled with care -- because Sharon Osbourne's wax-triggered house fire is just the latest in a strange string of dramatic celebrity mishaps involving candles.

Dogs hold the title of man's best friend, and are constantly making headlines for doing all sorts of amazing things like rescuing their owners and keeping toddlers safe through freezing nights. Good for them; but there are other remarkable pets out there too you know -- like chickens, for example.

Yes, I said chickens, and one amazing one helped save her owners from what could have been a deadly fire recently. Her name is Cluck Cluck, and she's one cluckin' smart bird.

Ahhhhh. Don't you just love the holiday season? The chill in the air, decorations galore, plenty of cheer, and good tidings to everyone? This truly is the most wonderful time of the year -- and it really stinks that there are people out there who have to try to ruin it.

Unfortunately not everyone is inspired to do good unto others during the holidays. Instead, thieves see the season as the perfect time to scope out our homes and snatch our gifts and valuables when we're not around.

From following around delivery trucks so they can take packages right off our doorsteps to breaking into our houses after seeing a bunch of presents under the Christmas tree, we have to take extra measures right now to keep our homes and belongings safe.

There's really nothing more beautiful than sitting on your couch on a chilly winter evening sipping a warm cup of tea and admiring your beautifully lit Christmas tree.

I mean, you worked so hard to get the thing into the stand, made sure each and every single strand of lights worked properly, and took the time to adorn it with ornaments -- so it's only natural to spend a good bit of time staring at it during the holiday season.

But it's important to remember that while they're pleasing to the eye and fun for the whole family, Christmas trees are, in fact, trees -- so there are certain steps you need to take to keep them fresh, and also make sure you aren't creating any safety hazards by having them on display in your home.

If you're one of the millions of people who had your precious electricity knocked out thanks to Hurricane Sandy -- or maybe it happened during Hurricane Irene, or the storm that hit the Washington, D.C., area a year ago, or any other time the lights have gone out -- you're probably kicking yourself that you didn't have a generator. Considering that it doesn't seem to take much for the power lines to go down, and it seems to take forever for them to come back up, why don't we all have them? Well, unfortunately, it's not that simple for everyone. Let's look at the ABCs of generator ownership.