The Morning Routine Tip Busy Moms Never Need to Hear Again (GIFS)

I want everyone, I mean EVERYONE, to quit giving moms this crap advice: When we're talking about how to streamline our hectic morning routines, don't tell us to get stuff done the night before. Because! That! Doesn't! Work!

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I'm not claiming I've got a lock on mornings. Most of the time it feels like I'm doing a triathlon in high heels because I literally am doing that. I'm packing lunches, making breakfast, getting people to put some clothes on already, doing my makeup, maybe even doing my hair, running for the kid's bus, running for my subway. It's exhausting. I would like it to be simpler.

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And yes, I have already heard about your brilliant suggestions. 

Pick out your clothes the night before!

You mean out of the huge pile of clean laundry I still have to fold tonight? Oh who am I kidding. I won't get around to folding it until Thursday.

Pick out your kids' clothes the night bef--

SHUT. UP.

Program your coffeemaker to run first thing in the morning!

That is not how French presses work, dummy. Also #freshgroundbeans. Some of us have priorities, you know?

Pack everyone's lunches the night before!

Yes, that way the tuna sandwiches will be extra soggy and smelly. Everyone loves that.

Wash the dishes and clean the sink the night before so you can start with a fresh kitchen in the morning!

Yes, excellent nightcap that is, washing dishes. The smell of sink cleanser is like Ambien to my soul.

Pack everyone's bags the night before. Make sure kids' homework is done and ready to be turned in, and any papers that need signing have been signed!

Dear all of my son's teachers: He has permission to go to on all of the field trips no matter what forever. The end. I can't keep track of all these forms.

Also, where is my kid's bag?

Charge all your devices the night before!

But where are they? WHERE DID THE CHARGERS GO?!? Effing Apple with your special iPhone chargers. How do these keep getting lost, and why do they cost more than $5.00 to replace?

I get home from work around 7:00, sometimes 7:30. I make dinner, we eat, I clean up (sort of). I make sure homework has gotten done. I attend to any urgent emergencies. Then I collapse onto the sofa and stare into space for 10 minutes. Then it's time for bed. 

I am not staying up until midnight to pack lunches and crap. When you do stuff the night before you end up taking too long because you're mother-effing TIRED. Better to save it for first thing in the morning when you're in a hurry because you'll get it done faster. Am I right? Who's with me?

Get it done the night before ...

 

Image via Angela Waye/shutterstock

 

 

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