It's a beautiful day in your neighborhood. The sun is up, the coffee is brewing, everyone is getting ready to go to work or school. But before you go outside and embrace the new dawn, you must do one thing: Make sure that the 100 some odd chickens terrorizing your neighborhood are not in the immediate vicinity. No, my friends. This is not the plot of some Blob-esque B-movie. For residents of one small tiny Ohio town, this is real life.
While the birds aren't exactly making threatening gestures with lead pipes or flicking cigarettes into flower-gardens (oh but how I wish they would), they are considered a menace by those living on the street where they've taken up residence all the same. On the one hand, it's hard not to feel sympathetic for the people.
I can't even imagine that many chickens. Because I'm not very creative. And let us not forget, the only thing worse than someone calling you chicken-sh*t is stepping in chicken sh*t. Can you even imagine how much poop these dudes produce. Nasty. If good for the grass. So yes, it sounds infinitely unpleasant. But it doesn't sound like anything to be terrified about. I mean, most of us eat chicken several times a week. If you're so over-wrought, just kill those mother-cluckers and put 'em in a pie!
Truth be told I actually feel more sorry for the chickies (... she said after advising their rampant murder). What caused them to flock to this neighborhood? Who stopped caring for them? The poor fellas are starving to death were it not for the help of their unwilling neighbors. They say transporting them to a local farm is too labor-intensive. Well I say get PETA or animal rescue involved! I bet they could get a team going to successfully transport them all. Then Danny Boyle could make a movie about it called something like A Day No Chickens Would Die. It would be both funny and uplifting. So more like Slumdog less like Trainspotting, ya dig, Danny?
How would you get rid of the chickens?
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