An Open Letter From Santa to People Who Decorate Before Thanksgiving

tacky holiday lights

Dear people who have already put up holiday lights,

I'd like to personally thank you for not only being a total buzz kill -- but also for being in such a rush to celebrate Christmas that you can't let me relax and enjoy my Thanksgiving.

Oh, and I know you'll be enjoying every second of yours, what with all the holiday decorating out of the way. (Eye roll.)

Here's a little food for thought (no pun intended). This Thursday when you're stuffing your face full of turkey and mashed potatoes while admiring the twinkly lights on your front porch? Yeah -- I'll be in the toy shop working overtime to get a jump start on things since the holidays seem to be rolling around so much earlier this year. (Don't you people know how much I love to get my eat on? This belly of mine isn't a result of skipping meals.)


Seriously ... what the heck is wrong with you guys?!? Do you not understand how many hours I put in once December hits? I'm slaving away 24/7 from December 1 until December 24 to make sure all of your precious kiddos have smiles on their faces on Christmas morning -- and this is how you repay me?

Here's the thing -- Thanksgiving is supposed to be MY weekend. Yes, mine, all mine. It's the last time I have the chance to sit down and put my feet up before the holiday madness hits. But you know what happens when sparkly lights and other festive decorations start popping up all over the place? Mrs. Claus gets wind of it and then she won't quit riding my ass to get to work already. It's like a competition for her or something -- and she can't stand to see me sit in my chair by the fire puffing away on my pipe. She wants me out there spreading cheer and getting all into the spirit of the season -- and it's a hell of a lot of pressure for an old dude like me.

Ok, ok, I know it took you hours on end to get all those lights up on your house, so I won't ask you to take them down. But for the love of all things holiday-related -- I'm begging you to cut me some slack and refrain from putting up Christmas decorations until Thanksgiving is over from here on out. (Quit trying to be such an overachiever. It's annoying.)

On second thought -- could you at least take the wreath off the door until you've eaten your fill of turkey and stuffing leftovers? Even a small gesture like that might buy me an extra day or two before I have to kick things into high gear ... m'kay?


Santa Claus


Image via SurFeRGiRL30/Flickr

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