An Open Letter to the Woman Who Cut Me Off in the Carpool Lane

OMG 46

car with family bumper sticker on it

Dear Lady Who Cut Me Off in the Carpool Lane,

Seriously? What is the matter with you? I was waiting in that line for nearly half an hour and you thought you would just sidle your way in? There's this unwritten rule about lines that says: Wait at the end when you arrive. Also, there's a rule about cutting people off that says: Don't cut off people you will see at tomorrow's PTA meeting.

Did it not dawn on you how easily I could find out who you are? It's not like you did this on the highway ... we were going to the same place. I saw your kids get into your minivan, as you were a mere five feet in front of me!

Also, you have stickers of your entire family on your back windshield (which already makes me dislike you), so it wasn't like I needed to be David Caruso to put the pieces together.

While we're on the subject, what possessed you to put such stickers on your back windshield in the first place? And why do all minivans seem to have them? Do they come with the car? Does the salesman ask you to say an oath that you will uphold the laws of minivan ownership:

"I solemnly swear to become my child's team mom, to tell everyone the benefits of owning a minivan so they join our cult, to pull my pants up at least one inch higher than is the norm, and to put stickers on my back windshield."

If I want to know what sports or hobbies your children enjoy -- or how many pets you have (including fish), I will simply ask.

Plus, I hate to tell you this, but your husband looks a bit light in the loafers. I’m not saying your marriage is a sham and you don't know it, but if that sticker is any indicator, well. I also noticed that you went to the trouble of having these stickers customized online, so that there's a name under each. That was smart, if you were looking to have one of your children kidnapped

How about you put your Social Security number across the back and we call it a day?

Also, I'm pretty sure there's a rule that if you have antlers and a nose on your minivan, you're not allowed to drive poorly, as you have a fairly easy car to spot. The same way I imagine the people who play characters at Disney World don't hold up convenience stores in costume. "Yes officer, I’m sure the robber was #4 in the lineup, Donald Duck."

Frankly, I'm not sure why anyone would dress up a piece of machinery for a holiday in the first place. You know what my car dresses as for Halloween? Nothing. It's a freakin' car.

Well, I've said my piece. I hope I wasn't too harsh. Hey, I know! Maybe tomorrow you could cut someone else off! There's a guy in a truck who has a whole arsenal of miniature guns hanging from his rearview mirror. Maybe you could cut him off and see how it goes?

What's been your biggest frustration while you were driving your kids around in the last week?

 

Image via FamilyStickers.com

a mom's life, elementary school, automotive, casey anthony, cars, soccer, cheerleading, baseball

46 Comments

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Pinkmani Pinkmani

I hate it when people drive next to you, look at you when at a red light, drive in your blind spot, drive slowly in the left lane, don't follow the zipper merge rule, and hit roll to a complete stop instead of simply stopping.

Misty... Misty.Dawn

cutting people off period is rude. But this article did seem pretty grumpy. I have the family stickers on the back of my suburban (not a minivan, but still our family car) but i dont have the regular man/woman/kids/pets. I have the browning deer buck/doe stickers

SKDMo... SKDMom1020

No selfish housewife here, I am a single mom of three who has a job to get to, and some moms cut in line in front of those who have been waiting their turn. Does it irritate me? Yes. Am I going to go off on anyone about it? No.

nonmember avatar kaerae

two sides to every story. Just because you have a platform doesn't make you right. You've made mistakes driving too, because we're all human. Chill the hell out and move on with your life!

nonmember avatar ProductiveMon

looooove it.grumpy? yes and with reason. there's a whole culture of "soccer mom with pride" that translate into incompetent entitlement. these stickers are so attention-seeking <> it requires a "congrats, you found an idiot to pay your bills" thought every time I see one.

tuffy... tuffymama

There was a pushy heffa in a Tahoe that cut in line EVERY DAY when my oldest was in sixth grade. Finally, she tried to bully her way in front of me in my little Volvo, and I just stuck to the bumper in front of me like glue. Success! Huzzah! It felt great, but what felt better was when my old neighbor totally blocked Miss Suburban with her bigger and newer Escalade. LOL.

nikki... nikkivolkov

I think antlers on cars are adorable. I've considered the family stickers too. There's nothing wrong with being proud of your family unit. The firearm I've seen is my friend's who are same sex couple who adopted two babies after fostering them. It has two mommy stickers a little boy with a soccer ball for their youngest and a little ballerina one for their daughter, the kids helped pick them out so they even have one on there for the weenie dog. I totally agree people shouldn't cut people off, but from my experience its normally little sports cars or four door rusty dented vehicles that do it. I always cringe when a car with a big dent speeds around me without a turn signal thinking to myself that next time a dent will be the least of their problems if they total their car. Hate irresponsible drivers in general.

nikki... nikkivolkov

How did autocorrect change best to firearm? Weird little phone.

nonmember avatar Gretta

I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU SISTER! If you cut in the pick up line, you are a jerk. Period.

katzc... katzcrazeekatz

Floridamom....every one has the right to an opinion. just saying there are far more worse things to be thinking about in this big bad world than some woman who butts in line in the school parking lot. pull up your big girl panties...i worked as an adminitrator in the public schools and have seen my share of overzealous moms (and yes dads too) who pluinder their way into the front of the pick-up lane at school, and I have seen many a mom who is so desparate to be "first" in line to pick up their child they arrive in the pick up lane an hour prior to dismissal. Get a life.....

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