puppy

Are your kids begging for a puppy? Do they promise again and again that they'll walk the dog and feed the dog and clean up after the dog? Are you beginning to cave? Well, don't. Aren't these the very kids who vow to do their homework immediately after school, later running out the door to play with friends, and promise to use inside voices when you ask them to, but yell at the top of their lungs instead? Indeed, they are, and I guarantee that they won't be as helpful as they're making you believe they will be. And, it turns out, having a puppy is even harder than having kids ...

(And, yes, that's my 9-week-old golden retriever. Don't let her cuteness fool you. She's a devil.)

1. You'll no longer sleep though the night. You'll be up just as often as you were with a newborn and a puppy isn't nearly as good of an excuse for dark circles as a new baby is.

2. Scrubbing pee and shit out of the carpet becomes part of the daily routine. It turns out dog poop is even worse than baby poop.

3. There's another mouth to feed every night. And you can't just whip out a boob.

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4. And another body to clean up after. Hello, muddy paws. At least newborns keep their mess contained to their diapers.

5. The doctor bills are insane. Why is it that I'm at the vet's so much more than I was ever at the pediatrician's?

6. Nobody offers to watch the "baby" or brings you dinner like they did when you had a new baby.

7. Shoes become chew toys. Not one of my kids ever destroyed my favorite pair of heels. Ever.

8. The crying. Sure, baby cries are sad. But dog cries? ARE THE MOST ANNOYING THING ON EARTH.

9. There's no such thing as puppy maternity leave.

10. The dog won't take care of you when you're old. And, even worse, you'll have to take care of it.

Still considering that puppy?

 

Image via Scary Mommy