JoAnn From Bensonhurst cracks me up. You know why? Because the woman does not hold back. The Brooklyn mom really does "tell it like it is," and that's why so many of us love her. Over the course of her short, but super-vibrant viral career, she's come up with more than a few zingers. And her gems are words to live by, I'm telling you!
In honor of JoAnn, CafeMomwill host an afternoon viewing party on Twitter for the entire season of JoAnn from Bensonhurst today at 2 p.m. EST. (You could win a $25 gift card to Amazon as well as a CafeMom lunch bag!) But before you #LettheGoodTimesRoll, check out ten of the most outrageousquotes from JoAnn, sure to make your day ...
"Soap in the mouth serves two purposes: you put it on his tongue: he'll never forget the feeling. And then at night, instead of giving him a bath, you just put a little water there and bubbles will come out of his ass. He’ll never curse again."
"This girl needs more than advice, she needs a smack right across the face!"
"The best way to keep your husband from cheating is: every morning before he goes to work, you gotta drain his pipes. Because they can't do it twice in one day after they get to a certain age. And if he can, then you have to get him as soon as he gets out of the shower, before he gets his shoes on, and as he's walking out of the door. You gotta keep draining his pipes till he has no more fluid left in him."
"That blood sucking government can suck every penny you make right out of your ass."
"The one thing you should never lend your neighbors is your husband."
"'Can you break up with your boyfriend through text?' Abso-freaking-lutely not! Did you have sex with him through a text or did you lay there with your legs open? Have the courtesy to give him face-to-face at least one more time."
"If your ass is as big as a truck, don't wear a bikini. If your thighs rub together that you can't even walk, don’t wear a bikini cause it'll get sucked up your ass."
"Boxers or briefs? Personally, I'll take nothing. I don't like boxers or briefs. Give it to me natural; that's how I take it."
"If I had known, 30 years ago, that the price of milk would have gone up astronomically, I would've kept lactating to feed my family."
"A woman for President? Sh*t, I'd be all for it! A woman is a doer, a woman is a multi-tasker. She'll run this country like she runs a battleship; she'll run it like she runs her kitchen; she'll run it like she runs the family. She'll get things done. Men are too lazy, waiting for it to get done by somebody else!"
For more JoAnn action, check out all the episodes of her CafeMom Studios show here ...
And be sure to note the following for the JoAnn from Bensonhurst Twitter PartySweepstakes: The JoAnn from Bensonhurst Twitter Party Sweepstakes starts 3/28/12 at 2p.m. (ET) and ends 3/28/12 at 3p.m. (ET) (the "Sweepstakes Period").
Enter by replying to the #CafeMomathon hashtag on Twitter with an appropriate comment during the Sweepstakes Period. Limit one entry during the Sweepstakes Period. Two (2) winners will be selected in a random drawing of all eligible entries to receive a $25 Amazon gift card Prize and CafeMom tote bag (valued at $30).
has enjoyed reporting and writing for a variety of entertainment and women's magazines and websites. More often than not, you'll find her blogging, hitting the gym, reading, researching something on her iPhone, laughing, chatting at an above-"normal" volume, or getting her caffeine fix.