Ordinarily, I’m all for mid-winter festivals that light up the darkest time of the year with cheerful lights and gift-giving. But this year -- especially with all the pepper-spray-infused holiday shopping frenzies -- even Rudolph might be feeling a little Scrooge-y.
After all, if there are people willing to buy and hang Jersey Shore ornaments … well, the true meaning of Christmas must be lost indeed.
It doesn't get much uglier than a Snooki ornament ... at least, that's what I thought until I found these worst-ever ornaments. Hey, look on the bright side: At least, they'll provide a refreshing break from all the hyperactive, wild-eyed cheer of the season.
Meh ($10.50 at Yellow Bug Boutique / Etsy)
Urban Dictionary describes "meh" as a word used to show "indifference … when one simply does not care." For extra bonus meh, you can wear the t-shirt while you’re hanging the ornament!
Believe In Bigfoot ($16.85 at Zazzle)
You can’t scream into every kid’s face “SANTA IS YOUR DAD, YOU DOLT!” But you can plant the seeds of doubt by hanging this just-as-likely-to-exist ornament. Kids will either get wise or suddenly start wearing tin-foil hats and talking about the grassy knoll.
Pink Flamingo With A Cocktail ($14.99 at Pink Flamingo Shop)
I’m sorry. I actually love this. Just imagine that you’re at a tree-trimming party and everyone is taking a turn to hang their favorite ornament on the tree. And the person before you has one of those ones that says “Forever In Our Hearts” with a picture of a beloved grandmother. And they give a whole speech and everyone is crying. And then it’s your turn. Everyone turns to you, expectantly. And you brought … this. That would SO go in the novel you are writing!
Tampon Angel (DIY)
It looks so sweet and innocent. Who would ever suspect it’s not from Heaven, but from Tampax? Bonus: You now know there is a site called Tamponcrafts.com.
Twilight People ($16.95 at Hooked On Hallmark)
What would Jesus do if he knew creepy sex-vampires were being hung on his tree? Well, considering the tree itself is a pagan ritual co-opted by early Christians… oh, never mind.
ornament - star trekStar Trek “Amok Time” ($26.95 at Hooked On Hallmark)
Ah yes, Christmas, the time of year when we sit by the fire, enjoy the closeness of family, and remember that one time when Spock went into his every-seven-years heat and had to fight Kirk so he could have sex with that crazy-looking Vulcan chick. THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!
The "Tannen-Bomb" ($11.99 at ThinkGeek)
It looks sweet and innocent. But when you hang it on a tree, it goes into stealth mode and emits four different annoying noises at random intervals. Why? That's so mean! It's so pointless! It's so ... AWESOME!
Moustache Ornament ($6.51 at Archie McPhee)
What's the ugliest ornament you ever saw?