When I moved into my first apartment, I thought it would be absolutely adorable to paint brightly-colored moldings and window frames to offset the plain cream-colored walls. I agonized over hues, hung paint chips everywhere, and finally settled on the perfect combination. The result? Disaster.
Sometimes we have creative brainstorms that turn into something interesting, a quirky accent that really works. Other times, we end up wanting to call FEMA. But at least decorating disasters don’t just happen to us. The pros who make stuff don’t always get it right, either.
Here are some design ideas that might look good on paper, but actually living with them? Please, just no.
3D Decorative Wall Panels
I found these on a flash-sale site, which confirms my suspicion that sometimes things go on sale for a reason. As in, nobody wanted them. The idea here is you buy 12 panels, 20x20 inches each, so you can give one wall an interesting texture that you can either leave neutral or paint kicky colors. To which I say (a) I never had the urge to make my walls bumpy, and (b) this one looks like a freakin’ mausoleum.
Sequined Throw Pillows
Is it just me, or should pillows be comfortable? I realize there are people who array their beds with fancy cushions every day, and nobody’s allowed to get into bed until everything has been cleared and, presumably, placed into little pillow containers somewhere. These are, I guess, the same people who never throw themselves on the couch, flick on the Twilight Zone marathon, and fall into a drooling nap in celebration of being left alone for three hours. I do not want to awaken from such a nap with a sparkly nostril and 3-D decorative patterns on my eyelids.
Rugs That Are Pictures
Admittedly, I’m biased when it comes to rugs. Due to our grandfathers’ traditional choice of career, all Armenian women enter marriage with a dowry consisting of six to eight full-sized Oriental rugs in deep, stain-hiding shades of maroon, blue, and maybe a little cream. So when you show me a rug that you’re supposed to look at and say, “Hey! The Eiffel Tower!” I say have to ask … where, on the Eiffel Tower, does the coffee table go? And if you love Paris so much, why don’t you know that no self-respecting Parisian would have such a rug? It’s like wearing a Superman costume with a picture of Superman on it.
Wall of Fire
I love a fireplace in the right setting. This is not the right setting. Fire bad. Wall wood. House burn. Even Frankenstein know this. Why Kohl's not know this too?
Do you ever pore over an interior design catalog and wonder, “Who does this?” What professionally-suggested decorating disasters baffle you?