Nobody Wants to Live in Tom Brady’s Old House

Tom Brady's homeOh my word! The condo shared by Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and his bride, Gisele Bundchen, is still on the market, and the price has dropped by half a million dollars: It’s only $10.5 million now!
It’s a fine-looking home: three bedrooms and three-plus baths in a penthouse overlooking the Charles River. Two fireplaces in the living room alone (apparently there are six working fireplaces total). A roof-deck. A marble bathroom. A four-car garage and a doorman. Oh, and an elevator that you don’t even have to share. What’s not to like?
Ruh roh ... the photos on the realtor site are only of the exterior and the view. That means there must be something very, very wrong with the property. Here are 10 things that might be keeping the Penthouse of Douche from being sold.


1. The bathroom sink is still clogged with the remnants of his ill-conceived ponytail.
2. The walls still retain the echoes of Gisele’s non-stop sanctimommy yap-flapping.
3. It needs a new fridge, because Gisele left her placenta in the freezer and it exploded.
4. Nobody’s really sure Patriots coach Bill Belichick isn’t secretly videotaping everything that happens in there.
5. Bridget Moynahan didn’t complain publicly about how Tom left her for Bridget while she was pregnant ... but that doesn’t mean she didn’t fling some kind of ancient Irish curse at them that still lingers in the doorposts.
6. The floors are all scuffed with Ugg prints.  
7. They could only housetrain one creature, Benjamin the baby or Lua the puppy. The baby won. Eeeyuw.
8. Nobody told Peyton Manning they were moving, and he’s still sitting in the living room, moping about his injury.
9. All the mirrors have hit their hotness quota: Too much hotness has rendered them useless, and they make everyone else look like John Goodman.
10. Who has 10 freakin’ million bucks these days?!
Why do you think Tom and Gisele’s home hasn’t sold?

Image via Sotheby's Realty

Read More >