Multitasking Furniture Is Fun but Really Dumb

Couef Storage Ottoman No, I do not like this weird, new home trend one bit. I keep seeing fun little items of furniture that are supposed to do two things at once, and you know what I think? I think these multitasking meubles (that’s French for furniture -- I'm so fancy!) are le bullcrap. What’s the saying? Jack of all trades, master of none?

Maybe it’s because my mom instilled in me a bias against this sort of thing. I remember when TV-VCRs came out, she said, “No way are we getting one of those. Your VCR breaks, and you don’t have a TV. Your TV breaks, and you have to replace the VCR. I’m not falling for that! That's how they get you!

My mom: nobody’s fool. But where’s the line? After all, dining tables with extensions = good, right? Well, here. I’ve found my cut-off with these pieces. They may be cute, but I’m not falling for them and their multitasking promises.


Ottoman/Drink Table From Couef

The storage ottoman is fine. I mean, I kind of hate ottomans because they're horrible to have to sit on and never seem to fit anywhere in a room when my feet aren't actually on them, but they do make a handy place to stow pillows and such. But then you add a pull-out table, and I'm like: Did these people never watch The Dick Van Dyke Show?! Maybe it's just me, but if I'm going to put something down (especially red wine, like in the picture), it's going to be on something I can't accidentally kick closed (onto the shiny butter-yellow fabric -- come on, people!).

HockenheimerFootstool/Magazine Storage From NJStudio

It's a cute idea that has the design freaks dancing in the aisles, but let's think about this for a second. First of all: A pile of magazines is a magnet for dust, mites, and other grossness. Second: Pull one out, and all those glossy covers are going to follow in a silky, Axe-scented avalanche. Third: To get this to the correct height, you have to have a certain number of magazines in there, and your average anal-retentive weirdo (who, me?) is going to be bugged out of her gourd if anyone actually takes one out after she's adjusted it. So no. (I do like saying "hockenheimer," though.)


Murphy Bunk Bed from CleiThe Murphy Bunk Bed From Clei

Murphy beds are a fun idea -- they pull out from the wall, and you can neatly pack them away when you're not sleeping. Great for studio living, except I kind of feel like I would accidentally squish someone because I forgot they slept over. That's me. I am a grown-up with a modicum of control. Kids? With Murphy beds? Do the Italians not have a word for "short-sheeting," or "Indian burn," or "52 Pick-up"? Or am I the only traumatized younger sister (and traumatizing older sister)? Buy these only if you will equip the smaller of your children with a snorkel and an air-horn.

Levin Couch


Couch With Cooler From Levin Furniture:

This (awful) couch "features amenities such as a beverage and storage console, allowing you to store your drinks and popcorn," according to the website. Is it just me, or does that make you think of dessicated, stale packing peanuts that used to be Smart Food, and/or ants, and/or kids, and/or husbands who put the empty bag back in the console so that when you actually get to sit on the couch, you don't have the snacks you promised yourself? Also, how far is this couch from the kitchen, really? I'm saying: We have an obesity problem in this country, and I blame furniture like this.

Do you have multitasking furniture that actually works?


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