Drunk People Aren't Worthy of Puppies

Nicole Fabian-Weber

puppies and bombay martini
What the hell happened last night?
Le Petite Puppy, a New York City pet store which is conveniently located next to a bar (or inconveniently, depending on whether you're the puppy or the drunkard), has put a ban on drunken puppy buying. 'Cause it always seems like a good idea to buy a Pomeranian after a few cocktails. It's the morning after, like all alcohol-related things, that may bring about regrets.

As a lover of puppies -- and drinking -- I have mixed emotions. On one hand, you'd be hard pressed to find two things that go together more swimmingly than cute little doggies and a solid buzz. Just ask my shih tzu who's been ripped out of a dead sleep many nights so I can see him stretch. Aw.

Then again, I bought him sober, so I was well-aware of the responsibilities that came with him. So, to those of you less-than-responsible people who tend to "over-serve" yourselves on a regular basis, here is some crucial info to know before buying a puppy. 'Specially tailored for you.

Puppies have to go outside. A lot. Unless you don't care about them peeing and pooping all over your house. Which, really, no matter how irresponsible you are, is just plain gross. Know that when you stumble in at 3 a.m., little Max is going to have to go outside. And it's annoying. Unless you have a significant other who can do it for you like a certain blogger I know.

By the same token, puppies -- and even full-grown dogs -- can't be alone for really long periods of time. Ten hours is too long. So, you can't go to the beach with friends, followed by lunch, cocktails, and eventually dinner. Unless you want to pay for a dog walker. This beautiful segue leads me to my next tip ...

Dogs are expensive. Like, infringing upon your socially active lifestyle expensive. When you first buy a puppy, there are shots to pay for, vet visits, food, toys, a bed, maybe a crate, a leash, a collar, and a bunch of other crap that will remind you why you don't want a kid any time soon.

Pets are clingy. If you thought your ex-boyfriend was bad, wait 'til you see your new dog. He'll follow you in the bathroom, for chrissake. But at least it won't be because "you're always ignoring our problems."

At the end of the day, though, dogs are awesome. Nothing can cheer you up after a long day of work -- or during an emotionally low hangover -- like a fluffy, little puppy. Just don't forget, you have to get off the couch and walk him.

Do you think the ban on drunken puppy buying was a good idea?


Image via Me!/StuartWebster/Flickr

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