Our toilet seat broke. Yeah, no, go ahead, make all the jokes, I’ll be here when you get back… was that fun? Anyway. So we needed a new one, and I hate bugging my landlord about stuff like this – besides, it seemed like the perfect excuse to buy something goofy. I went to our neighborhood Lowe’s and planned to buy the silliest toilet seat they had, but – disappointment! They only had un-silly ones!
Why wouldn’t everyone get a crazy-looking toilet seat? I mean, it’s a bathroom. You poop in there. Anything to distract from that has to be good, right? Anyway, this led to way too much time trolling for the funniest toilet seats on the Internet, and I had to make that work for me, so I turned it into a post – for you. You’re welcome.
Now, help me pick a winner:
It’s Spongebob! If you love him, you’ll be happy to see him each and every day! If you hate him, you’ll be happy to pee in his mouth! Actually, this might have held more appeal before I had kids… I’m kinda Spongebobbed out. $24.50 at Amazon
In her twenties, my punk-rock sister went though a very severe leopard addiction. She had leopard bedding, leopard flatware, leopard checks, a leopard fainting couch she upholstered herself. (Her then-boyfriend said he would never be able to get her to leave the house: “Nah, I look great here!”) I cannot believe she didn’t have a leopard crapper! $24.50 at Amazon
Can’t make up my mind? I could choose a removable, reusable “toilet tattoo” – an appliqué you can change in moments, should you feel the need to go from flamingos to funky in a flash. Please note: You can have a custom design made, if you have a family picture you’d like – you know – ON THE TOILET. (this one is -- get it? -- a toile-let) $9.95 and up at Toilet-Tattoos.com
All together now: Time to mooooo-ve your bowels! I gotta admit, this one kinda tickles me – it’s not garishly colored, but its unusual design totally makes me giggle. Hmm. $29.69 at Overstock.com
I know this doesn’t look like much, but you guys – it lights up! It’s a light-up toilet seat! It’s sound activated, so it’ll spring to life when you enter the room. Now, I’m not saying I would sit there quietly until it went dark and then, er, expel a loud sound just to see it light up again, because that would be totally immature, right? Right. Snicker. $49.99 at Bed, Bath and Beyond
Hand-painted from Etsy, people. Plus, you can make jokes like: “It’s a brown meanie!” “I’ve got a hole in me pocket!” and “Dive, yellow submarine! Before you get yellower!” Two problems with this: (1) I feel like I could do this myself, hmmm, and (2) I would totally prefer to hang it on the wall, as suggested by the seller. $60 at Omgurl/Etsy
I would not actually choose this one, but because it has a Star Trek design, I had to include it so I could say it's great for when you're traveling around Uranus picking up Klingons. Hyuk! Live long and plop-sper! $74.95 at brickwurx-mfg/Ebay
Well, what do you think? Have you seen an even sillier toilet seat that might be my fart’s desire?
Images via Amazon (Spongebob), Amazon (leopard print), Toilet-Tattoos.com, Overstock, Bed, Bath and Beyond, Etsy, Ebay