Frankentoys: Mommy Needs a Lovey, Too

Amy Keyishian
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FrankentoyThere’s a funny song by Jonathan Coulton about a mad scientist who’s trying to woo a woman in all the wrong ways. “I made this half-pony, half-monster to please you,” he croons. “What’s with all the screaming?”
 
If you’re the kind of person who finds that funny and maybe a little creepily sweet, you’ll probably like Franken Toys as much as I do. They’re the perfect antidote to the mostly-vomitous “here’s what moms REALLY want!” mother's day gift suggestions that have clogged my email in-box. A snot-green zebra-print pashmina? Really, Internet?

Come on in and take a look at some of her amazing creations.

It always bothered me to see old stuffed animals thrown out. And I know I’m not the only one – I’ve seen Toy Story 3. But really, nobody’s going to love that old Ronald McDonald or outdated Tinky Winky. Put them together, though, and maybe you’ve got something … something that’ll be treasured in a new way!
 
Rachel Peters, the clearly-in-need-of-therapy (in a GOOD way!) creator of the Franken Toys freakatorium, is a Canadian animator who has also created (unfreaky) toys, performed as a “comic fire eater,” and worked as a chalk-artist at street festivals, among other things. She’s clearly busy, incredibly creative, and really just awfully hilarious.

Before you go blasting me for liking someone who's mean to stuffed animals, check out this Raggedy Tapeworm (my baby sister had a collection of, like, 30 of them, and she called them Mee Mees, so I have a real soft spot for the red-haired rag-doll -- hmm, that actually describes both the doll and my sister). Rachel says she couldn't bear to tear apart a Raggedy Ann, so she made the tapeworm entirely removable and cover-upabble. And she freshened up her face, to boot!

raggedy tapeworm

Alpha Geddes does triple-duty. (a) it pokes fun at Anne Geddes. (2) it's weird and awesome and looks like it has Mickey Mouse hands. (3) the wolf part can be worn as a HAT! want want want want want

alpha geddes

Many will say "Oh, this is funny, but I wouldn't want my kids to see it." Let me tell you something. If I am fortunate enough to receive an Elmosaurus from the Mother's Day Fairy, the kids in my house will almost certainly steal him, snuggle him to sleep, and waft gently thorugh the night on dreams of his high-pitched mating call.

elmosaurus

The Birth of Mickey is just ... you see, it's ... well, there's ... I mean, on the one hand? Lovingly crafted -- a ton of work went into this, as with all the others, including hand-embroidered cave paintings on that thing's ... flank. On the other hand ... Mickey's crowning! PUSH!

Birth of Mickey

Think you could make a Franken Toy of your own? Would you want to? 

Images via Franken Toys/Etsy

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