Bill Clinton Is an Eco-Whore

Nicole Fabian-Weber

bill clintonSomething about eco events always strike me as funny. Especially when they're super swank. Don't get me wrong, I love all things eco, but the idea of a bunch of fancy rich people, eating fancy rich food, using lots of fancy electricity doesn't seem all that eco. That's totally why I didn't go to Christie's "Bid to Save the Earth" gala the other night, which raised money for the Natural Resources Defense Council, Oceana, Conservation International, and the Central Park Conservancy. Yep, it's my principles that kept me away from that one.

However, I was kicking myself a bit when I found out some of the items being auctioned off. Among them, an entire day with President Bill Clinton (which went for $100,000), and a chance to fly with Harrison Ford in his private plane. Wait -- private plane? Isn't this an eco event? Anyway, oh, the things I would do with Bill!

I mean, where to begin, right? The possiBILLities are endless! Bear in mind, the prize isn't to have the former President do anything you want (so, French braiding my hair and dancing to Miley Cyrus together are out of the question), but to accompany you on all of your day's activities, whatever they may be.

First, I'd probably take the day off work. Well, maybe. It would be kind of cool to see Billy squished between some eight-foot man and a woman singing really loudly to her iPod on the subway during rush hour commute. Then, I think we'd hit up Forever 21, where I'd try on some super-fly duds for the upcoming warm weather to see what he thinks. "You think I look good in this floral jumpsuit? Bill! You always were my favorite Prez."

All that shopping would make us hungry, so we'd have to stop to get something to eat. No McDonald's for him, though! We'd probably go somewhere semi-fancy, like Chipotle or Fuddruckers, and split a couple of apps. I would be wearing my new jumpsuit, and he a new, cool hat I bought him.

After that, I think I'd take him back to my place, so he could see what I'm all about. We would watch a few TiVoed episodes of House Hunters: International. I'd like the villa in the south of Spain, he'd be more partial to the three-bedroom in Scotland.

Then my husband would get home from work and be like, "Whoa, what's Bill Clinton doing in our living room? This is crazy!" And I'd be like, "First of all, act cool. You're embarrassing us. Second of all, don't worry about it. I just spent our entire life's savings on this awesome afternoon." He would get it and pull up a chair -- because Bill Clinton is in our house. The three of us would then eat mini frozen Snickers while watching the evening news. It would be the best day ever.

What would you do with your day with Bill Clinton?


Image via sharedferret/Flickr

Read More