Woman Sues Cruise Line: 'It's Going Too Fast!'

woman sues cruise ship
Keep Feelin' ...
Ooookay. Call me crazy, but a cruise vacation sounds pretty much like hell on a very wobbly, germ-infested, douche-bag filled earth. So when people start screaming about how their cruise was a nightmare, I'm not at all surprised. Until I am.

Doris Beard, who hails from land-locked Indiana, tried to sue Carnival Cruise Lines because she claims the cruise ship was going too fast. So fast it caused your shuffle board puck to shift? So fast your pasta primavera flew into your mouth before you were ready?

It's possible all that is true, and more, but what Doris was really upset about was the speed causing some health problems. Ummm?


Beard's explanation for her lawsuit goes like this:

Due to the speed of the ship I became very sick, my body swayed terrible on the ship I had bleeding, which I had not has [sic] in three years. The ship was moving so fast everyone on board became sick, even the workers.

Did the Journey cover band make you get your period again? Sister, Carnival Cruise Ships can only go about 24 knots (a knot is roughly 1.15 miles per hour), so while you were getting lapped by Lance Armstrong, you started bleeding due to the speed?

The lawsuit will not see the light of the day, thank Zeus. But it certainly makes one wonder what other doozies are on Doris' docket. I'm just going to tell California Closets to watch out because one day Doris Beard will probably sue you because her walk-in closet is too big. And the Indianapolis Star should beware, because subscriber Beard may toss a bomb at you because your print newspaper is "much too up-to-the-minute."

What the heck is this lady talking about?

Image via diywebmastery/Flickr

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