Why I Hate Spring Break

spring break dangerous
Don't be this girl
As thousands of college (and some high school) students flock to warm climes, I'd like to send a special message out to all the ladies: Don't go on spring break. Just don't do it. You'll regret it, and now that we have the Internet, you'll have to live with your really horrible, drunken decisions for the rest of your life.

I'm a spring break hater, because it's really bad for young women. And not so hot for young men, either. A recent survey also tells us (not surprised here) that spring break is dangerous. The most dangerous place to get your spring break on? Florida. Again, not surprised. After all, that's one of the places Joe Francis would hang out in search of intoxicated ladies willing to show him their boobs. How many of those girls wish they'd never heard of, much less, mastered the keg stand?

Here are the other danger zones for spring break fun that you should avoid at all costs:


1.   Orlando, FL

2.   Daytona Beach, FL

3.   Las Vegas, NV

4.   Myrtle Beach, SC

5.   West Palm Beach, FL

6.   South Padre Island, TX

7.   New Orleans, LA

8.   Panama City, FL

9.  Jacksonville, FL

10.  Miami, FL

11.  Fort Myers, FL

12.  Galveston, TX

13.  Fort Lauderdale, FL

14.  Lake Havasu City, AZ (hello? this is where Piranha 3D was filmed.)

15. Key West, FL

16. Kihei/Maui, HI

17. Lafayette, LA

18. Naples, FL

19. Virginia Beach, VA

20. Park City, UT

21. Steamboat Springs, CO

22. San Diego, CA

23. Reno, NV

24. Santa Barbara, CA

25. Honolulu, HI

Instead of heading to these party places, why not chill out at home? Or volunteer in Haiti? Really, anything is better than getting loaded and deciding making out with your roommate is a great idea because a bunch of drunken frat boys are begging you to do it. Or getting slipped a roofie and having no memories of the entire week -- until they show up on Facebook.

Partying is fun. Partying in college is especially fun when you have no rules. Spring break partying, however, is a whole other animal. One that makes kids believe the normal societal niceties don't apply. A perfectly nice boy in your bio-chem class can turn into an animal after the 10th tequila shot on the beach. You may think no one back home is going to know you had a threesome, but the videotape that will wind up on YouTube will not lie. Also, that herpes won't be going anywhere soon either.

So if you want to live with yourself -- skip the extreme spring break party and hold on to your self-respect. Gentlemen, this goes for you too. If you want to see tons of boobs, there's always the Internet. Or, you know, you could get a girlfriend.

Are you going on spring break?


Image via Flottenheimer/Flickr

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