Real Estate Listings From Hell (PHOTOS)

You didn't actually want to SEE the house, did you?It's a tough real estate market out there. You can't get your asking price, buyers are ruling the day with those choice interest rates, and they have the power to be super duper picky.

Our real estate agent threatened us within an inch of our commission points to clean up our apartment so we could unload it on a weak market. In addition to renting a storage space for half of our stuff, every week we loaded up the kids, along with their two tons of toys, and drove far away, hid the family photos, and waited for a buyer to imagine themselves living in our comfy two bedroom, one bath.

These folks, however, could really give a shit whether or not you like their places. In fact, they might as well trot out five cats and an incontinent cocker spaniel at these open houses, because they're just screaming, "Don't buy me! You WILL find unpleasant things that you'd rather not."

Take a gander:

If cabinet space isn't something you need, especially in the kitchen, you're going to love this opportunity to showcase all of your beat-to-crap cookware! Also, no space for the trash can under the sink. And it's not AT ALL because we're keeping dead squirrels in there instead.

Oh, the owner? He's this brilliant, but temperamental, art- ahhhhhhh! Dammit, that's the fifth glass cut I've gotten today! Remind me not to wear my open-toe pumps to the next open house, will you?

The bathroom is designed for those who really value their alone time. Like, so much so that they can run their entire life from the can. See how cushiony the toilet seat is? That's on purpose.

Well, it's not a foreclosure situation per se. I mean, not unless you count not being able to pay your mortgage due to lifetime imprisonment for serial killing.

The two-for-one deal of buying a house with a used car lot included sounds great! And then you go house shopping when you haven't been drinking.

Would you buy any of these houses?

Images via Trulia