Mom Finds Cocaine in Vacuum -- Now That Really Blows!

29

vacuumNo one wants a vacuum for Christmas. But a vacuum chock-full of drugs? Now that’s a different story.

A woman in Wisconsin opened the vacuum her (unloving? ungrateful? terrible gift-giving?) kids got her for Christmas only to discover that stowed in the bag was $280K worth of cocaine and crystal meth. Um, thanks?

The drugs weighed a total of 4.4 pounds (!) and were likely smuggled from the vacuum’s shipping origin near Juarez, Mexico. Apparently the vacuum, or vacmule as I’m calling it, traveled into the States, made its way on to the department store floor, and all the way to this woman’s rug before anyone noticed that they were getting a contact high.

The authorities are investigating, whatever that means. But what if this woman had decided to keep the drugs? Imagine how clean her house would be, and how clean her neighbor’s house would be, and how clean her city’s houses would be. She’d be on a vacuuming tear! Vacuuming day and night, night and day. Her vacmule could have powered her into the Guinness Book of World Records for longest cleaning spree by a drugged up mom.

But this story could’ve ended up differently. It takes a lot of guts to call the cops and say, “Hey! Come check out the pounds of drugs in my house! I found it in a vacuum, I swear!” Someone a little more police-shy might have tried flushing it. Then the headline could have been, “Septic Tank in Wisconsin Woman’s Home Overflows and Spews Cocaine Sewage Into Yard, Local Wildlife Acting F-ing Insane.”

I think there’s a lesson here for all of us. Always check your vacuums for pounds of smuggled drugs, and don’t flush what you find lest you want to be responsible for coked-up birds.


Image via sporkist/Flickr

29 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

Ems629 Ems629

Darn. Only thing I ever found in MY vacuum worth anything was a few pennies and an unidentified pill courtesy of my In-laws.


 


 Thanks for the chuckle!

jmtmn jmtmn

Hilarious! If she knew the right people she could have made a killing....

RanaA... RanaAurora

Yikes. There's some dead guys out there now murdered by a drug cartel for losing that, I can't tell you that.

Proud... ProudSingleMum

“Septic Tank in Wisconsin Woman’s Home Overflows and Spews Cocaine Sewage Into Yard, Local Wildlife Acting F-ing Insane.”


 


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

momma... mommahall951

this just made mah day......thanks for the giggles!!

DebaLa DebaLa

Haha, Lindsey, that's a rather enthusiastically written piece. How deep did you have to research it? ; )



Mm, yeah, @Rana, there are dead guys out there... in a dirty house. So that actually 'sucks.'

.prou... .proud.mama.

Oh, dear, I'd be worried that my vaccum had a problem. Maybe hold an intervention?

Aimee Justice

Damn! some people have all the luck! And some people are freakin stupid!!! I would of thought I had won the lottery! The cops probably kept half and sold it anyhow... I would of sold that shit and put it in my retirement fund... lol. One could live the rest of thier lives on that kind of money if invested properly... I'm freakin serious! That articile was helarious! Very well written...thanx author!

elasmimi elasmimi

Glad the kids didn't test it out first.

1-10 of 29 comments 123 Last