It's happening! Your office holiday party is just around the corner. Do you know what you're wearing yet? Or what you're drinking? Most importantly, do you know if you even want to be around for next year's lame-o party with this bunch of jerks?
If that's your current sentiment about your job, then follow this advice at the big event to guarantee your new year is filled with unemployment checks.
- As the CEO is giving the big speech, yell after every pause, "That's what she said!"
- Bust out the alcoholic whip cream while ripping off your shirt and making a creamy bra (this works for men and women). Wink at everyone, invitingly.
- Corner your boss and declare, while pointing your finger at his or her chest, "Look, let's just be honest. I don't like you, and you don't like me."
- Rally the interns. Explain in no uncertain terms that the last person to get a job at the company could down 3 Four Lokos, no problem. Make them up the ante.
- Saddle up to the head of HR and ask, "Do you know the one ingredient that will always allow you to pass a drug test? I do." Smile and stumble away.
- Befriend the new guy in accounting by saying, "Hey, have you heard of the Sales Receipt Store? I use them like, once a month."
- One addition to the traditional Xerox of your naked butt: Poop.
Image via Wolfiewolf/Flickr