Obama's Neighbor: 'My Home Renovation From Hell'

home renovationWhen you're renovating your home, your biggest hang-up is probably setting a schedule and hiring the best contractor to make the process easy for you. 

But when your neighbor is President Obama, then that's the least of your problems. Instead, you're worried about the Secret Service and passing the background check. Will that one eccentric college friend who wanted to form a kibbutz prevent you from putting up that white picket fence?

The Moynihans dropped $1.4 million to be the Obamas' BFFs, and I'm sure they're regretting it a little now. They have to get things approved by the White House and there are background checks for the workers at the house. There's also a strict rule against smoking, food, and coffee.


According to The New York Times, they don't want any stinkin' Burger King wrappers flying around, okay? And who wants nasty cigarette butts on the President's fancy lawn? No one, that's who. And coffee ... well, I have no idea what coffee does, but I'm sure they have a good reason.

I mean, really, what did this family think would happen? This is national security we're talking about here! This is serious business!

I don't know about you, but I'd be a tad upset if it turned out that terrorists moved in next door, and I'm not even President. Or what about some peeping toms ... out to steal the national secrets? That wouldn't go over very well at all. Then there would be a big hullabaloo about how just any old person can move in next door to the Prez, which would escalate somehow into President Obama knowingly harboring terrorists or something. I'm not up for that type of drama.

So here are some things the White House needs to look out for from these so-called Moynihans:

  • A super-zooming surveillance system pointed right at the Obama home. No more discussing top secret information at family dinner.
  • An abnormally large garage, where they breed wild animals and train them to attack the Obamas. Watch out for that tiger, Mr. President!
  • A lab in the basement. What's that you say -- their daughters are into science? Hogwash, they're building bombs down there! Or perhaps luring the President into a meth addiction.
  • Tiki torches in the backyard. On top of being an eyesore, these bad boys might be designed to set the Obama house on fire.
  • An underground bunker to keep the Obamas in after the kidnapping.

We can all sleep easy tonight knowing that the President and his family are safe. No need to thank me, White House, I consider it my civic duty to warn you of the dangers of this home renovation.

Do you think it's necessary for the White House to oversee the renovation?


Image via eye of einstein/Flickr

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