Nate Berkus Oprah I love decorator Nate Berkus. I love his brilliant decorating ideas and designs. I think he's adorable. I cried my eyes out when he shared about losing his partner, photographer Fernando Bengoechea, during the 2004 tsunami. He seems like a downright good guy. He can do wonders with a small space, and don't get me started on his tablescapes!

Unfortunately, when I think about Oprah's latest spin-off extraordinaire, though, all I think is GIANT BULGE!

*blush*

Trust me, I'm not a regular bulge watcher. I simply don't look at a man's crotch. It doesn't even occur to me. However, awhile back, while watching an episode of Oprah, I got a serious eyeful of Nate Berkus's, uh, big ol' design package (someone else obviously noticed too cause here's a gratuitous YouTube clip from the episode). And now it's all I can think about when I hear his name.

Like when I heard The Nate Berkus Show premiered today, all I could think was, "There's gonna be a Nate Berkus show alright."

It's a terrible problem I'm having. It's not so much sexual as it is shocking for me. Shocking to see and shocking that it's got me looking in the first place. I'm really hoping the wardrobe department on his new show can alleviate this awful perversion.

Nate Berkus likes to wear his pants a little snug, what can I say? Some days it works for him, and some days it's simply a little obscene -- for me anyway. What can we hope for on his new show? Hopefully more of the Nate designs we love and less of the, well, you know...

7 Things I DON'T Want to See on Nate's New TV Show:

Nate Berkus HSN

1. White jeans. Please don't, Nate. Prudish women, like me apparently, are watching. Although HSN used some convenient coverage on the closeup, didn't they (see below)? Phew.

Nate Berkus HSN
Good cover, HSN!
2. Comfy host chairs that promote lounging way back. David Letterman sits behind a nice desk on his show. I like that idea. Or maybe a strategically placed floral arrangement?

Nate Berkus

3. Profile shots. We got it, Nate. It's your best side. Now please face forward again... Averting my eyes until you do so.

4. Bean bag chair demos. Even if they do make a comeback, we don't want to see you demonstrating how to sit in them on your show. Please resist.

5. Loft makeovers. Please, Nate please don't climb up the ladder and into the loft. No...stop! My eyes!

nate berkus

6. New carpet plushness test. I believe you, Nate. The carpet is really really soft to relax upon. Don't lay back. It's okay...really!

7. Wardrobe malfunctions. Once on the Oprah show, Nate totally busted out the crotch on his pants right before a live taping and then Oprah brought out the pants to show the audience. Oh my! Let's keep those malfunctions under wraps next time.

Sorry, Nate. I respect your work so much. I hope you'll forgive me, as I work through this trouble of mine.

What do you hope NOT to see on Nate Berkus's new show?

 

Images via Oprah.com and HSN YouTube channel