12 Yard Fixtures That Make People Think You're an Idiot

Jeanne Sager

front yardMark Twain once said it's better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

But some of us don't even have to open our mouths -- it's written all over the front of our homes.

1. Signs With Poor Grammar. No, it's not the "Home of the Smith's." It's the "Home of the Smiths." Or, if you must use an apostrophe, "The Smiths' Home."

2. Lawn Ornament of a Man or Woman Bending Over. The DARE cop at your kids' school said it best: say no to crack.

3. Black Lawn Jockeys. There's been some debate about the history of these -- some argue they were indications of a safe house on the underground railroad, some that they represented black Americans in subservient roles. The overwhelming tone remains negative -- and is bound to make most of your visitors cringe.

4. Christmas Lights in September. We get it, you're prepared for the next holiday already. And if we have to hear that joke again for the fifth year in a row, we're going to get out the ladder ourselves.

5. Wooden Lighthouses in the Front Yard. So, is it a navigational beacon for rednecks?

6. Inflatable Holiday Decor. Notably, the inflatable nativity scene. Did I miss the page in the Bible that said Jesus was laid in a blow-up manger?

7. A Cauldron. Unless you have a coven, you don't need something double bubblin', toilin', and troublin' in your front yard.

8. Toilets With Flowers. No amount of bleach makes that pleasant.

9. Silhouettes of a Man on the Porch. Exhibitionist much? There's something creepy about knowing you posed a man so he'd be staring in your window.

10. Easter Eggs Hanging From the Trees. Are you afraid you won't remember where you hid them if you put them on the ground? Draw yourself a map.

11. Bridges That Go Nowhere. You are more prepared for the flood than anyone we know. Now you just have to wait for the water.

12. Too Much of Anything. We get it, you like gnomes. Unless you're building an army to take over the neighborhood, could we scale it back to, oh, less than 100?

What makes you cringe when you are driving through a neighborhood?


Image via mark.seymour/Flickr

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