Healthy Living

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    While there are plenty of things to celebrate when it comes to womanhood, we can all pretty much agree that dealing with our periods is (sometimes literally) a huge pain in the butt.

    Sure, certain times of the month aren't "too" terrible -- but there are definitely times during our approximately 28-day menstrual cycle where it's almost like we become possessed or something.

    Actually, most of us take on quite a few different personalities over the course of any given month. The progression goes a little something like this.

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    Saying "I'm on my period" can sound so, well, graphic, so sometimes a little humor and creativity need to come into play when announcing to the world that it's your time of the month. (What, you don't announce to the world that it's your time of the month?)

    We asked ladies to share the inventive phrases they've come up with for saying they're on their period, and man, they delivered some doozies. Long gone are the days of "My Aunt Flo is in town."

    Here, 20 creative (and funny!) ways for saying, "I'm on my period." Enjoy!

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    My period has been stalking me on a Kim Kardashian level for the past year. I feel like I have been bleeding every other day ... Aunt Flo is like the period paparazzi ... and I am worried.

    Rightfully so, said Stephanie Bird, MD, Medical Director of Gynecology, Brigham & Women’s Fish Center for Women's Health in Brookline, Massachusetts. “It’s important for women to pay attention to their baseline because not all bleeding is a period. Any abnormal change that extends beyond one menstrual cycle is cause for concern.”

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    Ladies, have you ever behaved in what you might describe as a "slightly irrational manner"? Have you ever eaten an entire bag of potato chips chased with an Oreo Blizzard? Have you ever found yourself sobbing in front of a laundry detergent commercial? Have you ever looked at the calendar and thought to yourself, Ohhhhhh, RIGHT?

    For those who know what I'm talking about, I've got some handy-dandy apology cards that you can keep for those special occasions. You know, the occasion that happens every month, right on schedule, and yet you always forget about it until afterwards when you realize the reason you were a bloated sack of emotional WTF was all thanks to Mother Nature. For those tender moments, here are 9 deeply sincere e-card apologies for those PMS-driven life choices with which we can all identify.

    Images via Someecards

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    How much do you love getting your annual pelvic exam? It's THE BEST. After spending most of the day in the waiting room you're finally invited to undress and put on a paper robe. So chic! Then you lie on the exam table for another eternity waiting for your doctor to show up and jack open your inner lady sanctum with a speculum followed by their gloved hand. And if you're lucky, ice-cold lube gel will be used. Oh joy. There's poking and prodding and a few "hmms" and then, all too soon, it's all over. Until next year! 

    What if I told you that this is all totally unnecessary? A new study by Annals of Internal Medicine boldly declares that there is no medical benefit to pelvic exams for most healthy women. Not only do they fail to reduce "morbidity or mortality of any condition," (i.e. they don't save lives), they may even be harmful. Here's everything women should know about this new study.

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    I still remember the year I started putting on weight. I was in the fifth grade, and at the time, all the skinny girls wore Jordache jeans and Sergio Valentes, and I secretly hated them for it. Every time I attempted to squeeze into those jeans, I would struggle to zip them up and had to lie flat on my bed so I could button them. I then spent the day walking like I had a stick up my butt and I could hardly breathe. It was pure torture.  

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    This morning my horoscope told me I may be offered a celebrity apprenticeship. WTF!?! File under So Not Happening Today or Ever. This is exactly why I keep my astrology apps in the "entertainment" folder on my iPhone. Oh ... did I say apps, plural? That's kind of embarrassing.

    I'm of two minds when it comes to astrology. On one hand, I think it's awfully silly and meaningless. On the other hand, I find it intriguing and can't resist taking a peek every morning. Why not? It's just a little innocent fun ... or is it? Maybe not. A recent post in the blog io9 makes the case for why believing in astrology isn't as harmless as you think. So we decided to put the question to two different experts. Is there any value to reading your horoscope? And can following astrology actually lead you astray?

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    It's summertime again and 99.9 percent of everything is that much more wonderful. No snow. No boots. No cold. No ice. But there is one thing about summer that makes it a lot less fun: bug bites. And if you're like me -- the kind of person who gets eaten alive every time she goes outside -- you'll know just what I mean.

    Last summer the bugs in my neighborhood got so bad, I often didn't go out at all. And when I did, I came back in covered in red welts that itched like crazy. It was awful and a part of the season I will never be happy about no matter how much I love the rest.

    I have tried everything to stop the itch. Benadryl. Calamine lotion. You name the OTC drug, I've tried it. But I haven't tried a lot of home remedies to curb the itch. Here are eight "proven" itch stoppers you can probably find in your house RIGHT NOW ...

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    There are many good reasons to seek a divorce. But is this one? A man who wanted to divorce his wife for putting on weight has been denied. NO, the court said, fat is not grounds for divorce. The husband claims that his wife gained weight rapidly shortly after their wedding and he was unable to enjoy the, ahem, intimate privileges of married life with her after that. (They're remaining anonymous.) He also says she refused to get medical treatment despite his pleading. And he's upset because she never told him about the breast reduction surgery she'd gotten a few years prior to the marriage.

    Is this husband giving you the angries? Well wait, there's more to this story.

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    Here's an idea so crazy it just might work: losing weight on your vacation. Usually vacation means you're suspending all the rules, eating what you want, and relaxing. Or maybe that's just me? I just got back from eating pretty much all of Paris -- and it was delicious! But I did a few things to offset the damage ... maybe. Anyway, let's be a little more ambitious than "not gaining weight" -- let's talk about actually using your vacation to drop a couple pounds. Think it's too lofty a goal? Here are a few surprising ways to lose weight on vacation that are worth trying.

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