It's been almost a year since I started the Confessional on Scary Mommy. I've laughed, I've gagged, I've teared up, and I've dropped my jaw. With the year drawing to a close, I thought I would share the most popular confessions -- those with the most "likes" and "OMG me too's." Can you relate to any? Got anything to get off your chest before stepping into 2012?

From the first second I heard about the Reebok EasyTone sneakers "technology" -- I had an eensy inclination the shoes were bogus (read: I'm no fool). But as a woman, I can't help but be intrigued by anything that promises model-style stems. Alas, the FTC stuck it to the sportswear giant this week when they ordered Reebok to cough up $25 million to customers who bought the popular toning shoes. Epic. Fail.

While they're not saying the sneaks are a complete load of bull, they ARE saying the claims they make in those sexy commercials featuring the skinny mini with the killer gams are over-exaggerated, and there's no legit proof the product yields superb toning results. RATS. You mean a pair of sneakers can't make me look like Gisele? Goshdarnit.

Alas, there IS good news: There are a bajillion ways to tone up without Reebok's help. We've just got to get back to the basics with these 4 toning tricks:

Hot yoga is so passe. Even floating yoga, or yoga on the water is, like, so last week! The latest craze is upside-down yoga, or AntiGravity Yoga. Sounds so Jetsons, right? Like you need to get in a space shuttle to do it, or go to one of those indoor skydiving spots. Child pose in midair?! Wacky!

It's actually the creation of a man named Christopher Harrison, who is an acrobat and gymnast. Over the past 10 years, Harrison designed the workout, which is 40 percent yoga, along with a fusion of acrobatics, Pilates, and dance. It's practiced a few feet above the ground in a silk hammock that can close around a person to form a "peaceful pod." A class in session looks like many human-sized cocoons or bats or something, suspended from a gym ceiling.

I know -- it's REALLY bizarre ... but I totally want to try it!!

Recent studies have shown that women who have a maid or nanny live an average of 11 years longer than those who don’t. Typically, these same women have lower stress levels and are significantly less likely to poison their partners (who have been shown to lose their hair at a slower rate, and who also have a much more exciting sex life).

This study comes on the heels of another recent poll that showed that women are not your damn slaves and that maybe you could pick up your own damn socks yourself for once. My husband says I should point out that I made up these studies myself, but that doesn’t make them any less accurate. He says, “Yes, actually, it does.” 

It’s like he’s asking to be stabbed.

My email is currently being barraged by about ninety thousand different Mother's Day promotions. "Toast your Mom with Kahlua!" "Toshiba + Mother's Day = special gifts for the modern mom!" "Enjoy Mother's Day with this special all-new Curious George episode celebrating Hispanic heritage!"

Oh, and my personal favorite: "We all know how busy a mom’s life can be, but this Mother's Day, take time to educate your mom about the treatment options available for vaginal dryness."

("Hi, Mom? Oh, not too bad, and you? Great, great. So listen, I just wanted to chat with you for a minute about the moisture levels of your vagina. Would you describe it as 'Tropical' or 'Mojave'?")

While pampering my vagina with a luxurious unguent DOES sound attractive, Mother's Day pitches have it all wrong. I don't want the newest gadget, an overpriced bouquet of flowers, a piece of jewelry that will just get encrusted with peanut butter, or a humorous t-shirt that says, "SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION."

In my last post I talked about The Unending Sorrow of Housecleaning, and I thought one of the comments touched on something we've all thought about more than once:

"Shame on you - you wrote this because you feel guilty and you should - imagine the stress it adds to your husband who doesn't want to call you out on the fact that your house is a mess - do you think he should be cleaning it on His time off?"

Oh wait, no, that was from someone who apparently thinks I am married to God. Heh.

(Poor guy spends his day creating the heavens and the earth in all their vast array, comes home to relax, and it's like, what the hell—now I got to vacuum, too? WHAT AM I SOME KIND OF HOLY BEING?)

What I'm talking about is this:

When I was working outside of the home full-time, we paid for a cleaning service. Two wonderful ladies came every two weeks and stayed for an hour and a half, and they consistently left behind a house so clean I once spent 10 minutes marveling at the spotlessly shiny surface of my toaster.

(It was reflective! Who knew a burnt-smelling waffle-hut encrusted with a patina of crumbs and fingerprints could be transformed into a gleaming mirrored appliance?)

I fought hard to keep the housecleaners in our budget, even when our money started getting tight. Every few months I delivered a multimedia presentation (complete with slides and dramatic re-enactments) explaining to my husband why it would be beneficial to our family's mental health if I wasn't the only one in charge of scrubbing toilets and de-griming the kitchen floor.

"I'll help more," he said.

"Yeah, right," I said. "Please indicate on this chart which item you would use to clean a bathtub ring."

One of Amangiri's suitesIf you and your partner had a night free from children, and money was no object, what would you do? I’d do just what Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie did. Fly to some fabulous resort in an out of the way location and revel in all it had to offer. And in each other.

Pitt and Angelina recently spent what had to have been some much needed alone time at the Amangiri resort in Utah. The resort has all of my favorite things: tasty dining choices, a fabulous spa complete with a water pavilion, and gorgeous suites with dramatic views costing up to $3,600 per night. Heavenly. I'd love to go there with my husband though the cost makes it unlikely.

But as Jolie has said about taking time out to be alone with your partner: