Hey, you're not afraid of the dentist or anything silly like that, are ya? Nah, who gets nervous about going to the dentist? Besides, y'know, EVERYBODY. Cause yowza!! As anyone who's spent a significant amount of time in the dentist's char can attest, dental work = PAIN. Oh lord, the unholy terror! If not for the heavenly prescription meds accompanying major procedures, there'd simply be no point at all to the to tooth-y torture.

Okay, so maybe I've had a few bad experiences. If you're one of the rare souls who hasn't silently wished for death while under the drill, I'm super happy for you. Really, I am. So happy for you that I would never burst your bubble by telling you about the terrifying thing that happened recently to a poor, innocent woman having dental implant surgery.

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As if being in jail wasn't a miserable enough experience, Teen Mom Amber Portwood is apparently dealing with one of the most miserable physical maladies ever: An abscess in her mouth that's grown "so big and swollen that her whole jaw is puffed out," according to her brother Shawn. "Her mouth has become infected and the pain is making her so sick that she can’t sleep, and hasn’t eaten a thing in three days."

YOWCH. What's even worse is how long Portwood has to wait for treatment, supposedly: six weeks! "It needs to be down now. If the infection gets in her bloodstream, it can be life-threatening," says Shawn. Granted, I'm not sure how much of this is true or if Amber Portwood's brother is in fact an expert on dental disasters, but if Portwood really does have a very angry and painful tooth abscess -- Shawn is right about the life-threatening thing!

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Full disclosure: I hate my teeth. Always have, probably always will. They're just not white enough and never have been -- even when I was a kid and my "grown-up" teeth were brand new (apparently this has something to do with too many antibiotics for multiple bouts of tonsillitis).

I've tried just about whitening treatment on the market but none of them have done the trick (unless by "trick" you're referring to the magic enamel-destroying powers of those dentist-approved bleaching trays. Root canals are awesome!).

Anyway, as you can probably tell, I'm pretty skeptical about anything that claims to have smile-brightening properties at this point. So when I heard that some foods are actually capable of making teeth whiter, I was like, "Says who? The tooth fairy?" TGTBT.

BUT there's a surprising amount of research out there suggesting that certain foods really are dental dazzlers.

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I received a rather shocking recommendation from my dentist the last time I went in for a routine visit. She told me that instead of coming twice a year for a check-up, she wanted to see me every four months. When I told her that my insurance only covered two visits a year, she told me that if I really cared about my dental health, I would just shell over 60-something dollars myself for the third trip. WHAT?

I thought it was a scam, but after seeing a scary report that skipping regular dental check-ups could end up costing 10 times as much money, I just might fall for it.

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In what could be the most amazing thing ever to happen on planet Earth, an Oregon woman woke up from oral surgery recently with a British accent. Crikey, right?

When Karen Butler came out of surgery a year and a half ago, her mouth was swollen and she had a thick and foreign accent when she spoke. "I sounded like I was from Transylvania," she said.Over the next few days, the swelling disappeared, but Butler's newfound accent did not. Though it's since softened, her words have yet to return to how they were before. Now, everyone thinks she's British.Um, not to diminish the fact that something went awry with Karen during surgery, but I kind of wouldn't mind this.

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One of the most reliable signs of the season starts popping up in grocery stores right around now: bags of fresh cranberries (and cans of the somewhat frighteningly jiggly, solid stuff) are everywhere. But cranberries shouldn't be just a one-day accompaniment to the big event: cranberries are among the most powerful and antioxidant-packed foods. Here are five reasons this pretty little berry deserves a spot on your table year-round:

They fight bad bugs: We all know the old wives' tale about drinking cranberry juice to ward off persistent urinary tract infections. That's actually rooted in truth; they appear to have compounds that act as Teflon for our cells against harmful bacteria like staph or E. coli. Read More

When it comes to asking questions about our va-jay-jays, few of us are keen to pipe up while lying with our feet in stirrups. That's why Dr. Lissa Rankin, an OB/GYN and founder of OwningPink.com, wrote her brand-new book What's Up Down There? Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist if She Was Your Best Friend.

She wanted to address questions women would probably only ask their OB/GYNs if they could hang out with them outside of the uptight, sterile doctor-patient environment. (You know, like at a neighborhood cafe, sipping a latte, wearing yoga pants.) As it turns out, most of us would rather have a Vagina Dialogue than a Monologue.

But, in case you're feeling shy, Lissa's got a few answers to tide you over before you invite your doc to spinning class. Here, five things that she knows about your vagina that you probably don't -- but really should.

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Not kissing much lately?

I'm guilty of it too. Kissing for my husband and me these days is usually a peck on the lips when one of us leaves the house or gets home. Or we're at the other extreme. Passionate making out when we get to have one of our sex sessions that's not a quickie. Which isn't that often.

But that's bad. I like kissing. I really do. And I like kissing my husband. I really do. So why don't I do it more?

Maybe our kissing declined a few years ago when I had to start wearing both top and bottom retainers to bed, every night. Not conducive to making out. And in the morning? Well, retainer breath is nasty.

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