I love the fall, but I still can't help but get a little bit bummed out this time of year -- as the days grow shorter and we approach the end of daylight savings. I mean, when it's pitch black outside at 7 p.m., it makes me feel like I somehow missed a big chunk of my life. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months ... you can see where this is going. Every year the end of daylight savings time sends me straight into existential crisis mode and/or a vitamin D-deficient slump.

But guess what? As it turns out, our bodies are actually thrilled when daylight savings finally ends. That's because our circadian clocks are apparently in sync with the Earth's natural rhythms. (And they are NOT fooled by that false daylight-extending schedule created that we're forced to follow for the rest of the year because a long time ago somebody thought it would save on candle wax or coal or something.)

Hey. Are you tired? Like, really, really tired? Probably you are. Probably because you had to wake up super early every day this week for work, or maybe you were up all night with the baby, or maybe you had to stay at the office super late. Or maybe because you had to wake up super early every day this week for work AFTER being up all night with the baby and THEN you had to stay at the office super late! Point is, you're probably so tired that the only thing getting you through the day is the dream of being able to sleep in for a few extra hours if you're really lucky this weekend.

Well, allow me to dash your dreams. Because according to the latest research, not only is it impossible to catch up on lost sleep, the attempt will make you more tired than ever by disrupting the all-important circadian clock. But you know what? I don't care what fancy schmancy sleep scientists say!

I'm man enough to admit that I enjoy a good snuggle. There's really nothing like sleeping in late on a Saturday morning, only to be woken up by your kids jumping in your bed, turning on the TV, and curling up next to you as they watch SpongeBob flip Krabby Patties for the umpteenth time.

Yeah, just hanging in bed, half-sleeping with the kids is great. Sleeping with them through the night, however, not so much. At this point, it's mostly because they'll toss and turn a bit and keep me awake. Or my snoring will wake them, so they'll toss and turn and wake me. And somehow, I always get blamed.

Apparently, though, men who sleep with their kids get a few points docked off their Man Card. I'm not making a statement here, just pointing out a fact. According to a recent study, fathers who sleep right next to their kids have a lower level of testosterone.

Hey, I have a great way to make depressed people feel better -- let's tell them all the reasons why being depressed is all their fault! In fact, let's find scientific proof! Yes, yet another study is out linking depressive symptoms to something depressed people do every day, like brushing their teeth or putting on socks. This time?

"Animal research" suggests that "exposure to dim lighting at night — such as that generated by a TV screen, computer, or night-light," may lead to abject misery, overall lethargy, malaise of the soul, or whatever else you want to call depression.

Okay. Fascinating as I find mood disorders in laboratory hamsters who fall asleep watching Chelsea Lately or Conan or Jimmy Fallon, I'm not buying this one. To me, this is clearly a "chicken or egg" issue, and researchers got the order wrong.

We all know getting a good night's sleep is super-important, right? Because lack of sleep is linked to all manner of health problems, from obesity to depression to diabetes to breast cancer to leprosy (okay, not really that last one. But I wouldn't be surprised! According to the most recent study, missing a night's sleep is as bad for the immune system as physical stress!). And we all know that snoring definitely messes with getting a good night's sleep, whether you're the one who's snoring or you're "sleeping" next to somebody who's snoring. What we didn't know, until now, was how to make that noisy nighttime problem shut the hell up go away.

Enter "Jukusui-Kun," the Japanese polar bear shaped robot/pillow designed to help people with sleep apnea stop snoring. Well, of course! (Forehead smack.) Why didn't anybody think of this before? A polar bear! Makes perfect sense. Right?

If your first thought upon seeing this glorious photo was Mmmm, donuts! I could eat that whole box! DONUTS! (I know mine was), then you, like me, are probably really, really tired. We've known about the link between sleep deprivation and obesity for a while, but now we know more about why one leads to the other: Junk food is actually more appealing to weary brains. Like, scientifically.

A recent study scanned the brains of people in two groups -- the first after five nights of sleep for nine hours and the second after five nights of sleep for four hours -- while showing them images of healthy and unhealthy foods. And guess what? The pictures of junk food only activated the brain's "reward centers" in sleep-deprived people. (Which is basically what happened when that donut craving hit you like a freight train a minute ago.)

Explains a lot, doesn't it? And that's not the only way lack of sleep can apparently screw with your body ...

I've had nightmares for as long as I can remember. My mother says I whimpered and cried in my sleep as a little girl. By the time I was in my early 20's I was so afraid to go to sleep that I developed insomnia.

But over the past year, they've been worse than ever. I've woken up screaming, flailing, kicking (I once punched my poor sleeping boyfriend right in the nose). 

Maybe I needed to talk to somebody about my nightmares, he suggested, probably fearing a future of similarly rude awakenings. I had to agree. Luckily I knew exactly who that somebody was: Karen Hollis, a professional intuitive and psychic medium. I was fortunate enough to work with Karen before (she did an amazing reading with Kurt Cobain for me), and I remembered that she also offered Dream Interpretation with the Tarot.

I was in for another amazing experience.

Secretly, I've always believed I might be narcoleptic. No matter how much sleep I get, I'm always nodding off at very inconvenient times: During movies, at work, and -- absolutely WORST of all -- while driving, which scares the living daylights out of me. And next to nothing helps. No amount of coffee wakes me up, no energy drink does the trick. (I think I've developed a caffeine immunity.)

So what is a sleepytime gal supposed to do when darkness is closing in and a nap is NOT an option? Besides taping my eyelids open? (Which I haven't done, but I have considered. More than once.)