Remember when Dr. Oz and Consumer Reports did those big exposes on the dangerous levels of arsenic in several brands of apple juice -- the same juice many of us feed our kids? Well, someone is finally doing something about it! Congressman Frank Pallone of New Jersey and Connecticut Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro have introduced a bill that would require the FDA to set standards for lead and arsenic in apple juice.

The bill would give the FDA two years to come up with those standards. That seems pretty generous to me. You'd think they could just look at the standards for freakin' drinking water and use the same standards. That would take them 5 minutes, maybe less. Hell, why don't they ask US to set those standards??? But they're not, so let's look at how long it's going to take before we can trust the apple juice on store shelves.

It sounds too good to be true: Eat dessert with breakfast and lose weight! You freakin' wish! I yell back at my laptop. Which cannot hear me. But I saw the words "researchers at Tel Aviv University" and decided this wacky story needed a second look.

Shockingly enough, it sounds like it's legit. They compared people who ate a 600-calorie breakfast with people who ate a low-carb, 300-calorie breakfast. Both groups consumed the same total number of calories per day, it's just that the 600-calorie group front-loaded theirs. And those breakfasts included cake, cookies, and other treats. Not only did the big-breakfasters report feeling more satisfied, long-term they also lost more weight. Like, a lot more.

The more I learn about how most of our food is made nowadays, the more cautious I've become about what I feed my son. The phrase "processed food" has taken on such a sinister tone in my mind I feel guilty whenever I pull that innocent box of mac'n cheese off the shelf. Only bad mommies feed their precious ones the evil processed food...

But I have my exceptions. Don't we all? I mean, the whole idea of processed food is that it's been kinda fixed-up for you already so you're prepared for those moments when your growing toddler is suddenly, randomly starving and has to be fed RIGHT NOW or there will be a melt-down. So what's on my "mom-approved" list?

Brad Pitt with Knox and ZaharaDisclaimer: I don't give my kids soda on a regular basis. I know it's bad for them and bad for me and bad for you and yada, yada, yada. That said, I loved Brad Pitt's recent -- hilariously candid -- corn syrup-y confession:

Listen, I admit there’s times like, "We gotta get up. Get up! Here’s your shoes. Here’s your shoes. Drink this Coke. Drink this Coca Cola. Drink it all. Right now! Drink it! Drink it! Drink it!" Just so we could get ‘em up and going.

Ha! Who hasn't been there?!?!

Oh, I know, I know -- boo, hiss. Only bad, bad daddies give their kids soda! (And caffeinated soda at that!)

Please. Parenting Police, call off your dogs.

When celeb chef Anthony Bourdain came out bashing rival Paula Deen this past summer for being "the worst, most dangerous person to America," most of America came to the Southern-fried chef's defense. Even if you know it's hella bad for you, most of us LOVE to indulge in the kind of comfort food that Paula's known for peddling -- from mac 'n' cheese to red velvet cake. Even if only on a rare occasion. However, it's looking like Bourdain may have had a point about Deen's dangerous habits.

Buzz is swirling that Paula has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes ... and the latest is that she plans to sit down with TODAY's Al Roker on Tuesday in an exclusive interview to "address the rumors." Wuh-oh. We all know what talking to Al Roker means ... Seems like she's about to come clean to America, leaving us wondering ... could this signal the end of her career?!

If you were to conjure up in your fantasies the most obnoxious household appliance imaginable, what would it look like? Could it be a fascist refrigerator that sizes you up and then yells at you for pulling out the chocolate pudding? What about a refrigerator that tells you to eat celery instead when it catches you reaching for the Cheez-It spray can? Or a refrigerator that has all of vegan chef Kathy Freston's recipes memorized, and recites them to you when you go for the bacon?

Well today is your lucky day, readers! Such a refrigerator has been invented: It's the LG ThinQ Smart refrigerator. Hooray, hooray! Now you too can own a Nag Robot that also happens to store your food at safely-chilled temperatures. Let's talk more about how this would not be at all helpful, shall we?

I would never dare to not take eating disorders seriously. Never. Eating disorders kill, and even if they don't destroy your body (which they generally do), they wreak havoc on your mental and emotional states for your entire life. It's no joke, and should never be dismissed. However. This Daily Mail article that says a three-year-old has an eating disorder does in fact, wind up making light of eating disorders.

First of all, there is no information about said three-year-old. Just that "children are getting eating disorders younger and younger," and even -- gasp! -- THREE! Yet, no information as to what this toddler is suffering from, and if it's even possible. Which I just don't think it is. I simply can't imagine having an eating disorder at age three actually is a real issue.

It's that time of year again -- time for the GOOP Cleanse! In case you're wondering, yes, it's true: We live to mock Gwyneth Paltrow and her posh, toxin-purging ways. And this year is no exception. Gwyneth has partnered with her cleanse-guru Dr. Alejandro Junger to sell the "Clean" program. It's only $425 for some supplements and shakes that you take for 21 days to deliver a zippier metabolism and shiny, sanitized innards.

Anyhoo, I scrolled past this "Clean" nonsense since I can't muster the self-loathing to fork over 400 clams for protein shakes and what did I find? Some recipes I'd actually like to try! Because Clean is an improvement over the rage-inducing Master Cleanse -- you actually get to eat solid foods while you're on it. And it occurred to me, if you're looking to get 2012 off to a healthy start, you could do worse than to hack the GOOP Cleanse.