First Thing You Do When You Wake Up

Cynthia Dermody

morning routinesThe first thing that moms do when they wake up in the morning -- besides peeing and grabbing coffee -- from The Cafe:

-- I go straight to the computer to check my emails, otherwise I can't for the rest of the day.

-- Normally, I **** my husband. Morning sex is the best.

-- I brush my hair and use my inhaler.

-- I make a bottle and then change a really DISGUSTING diaper.

-- Grunt at my husband, because all he does is bitch and complain once he hits the alarm.

-- Stretch, fart, piss, grab a dew and a cig!

-- Weigh myself, shower, dress, wish for coffee and a cig.

-- Roll over and see if my seven month old is awake, and when he is, I beg him to go back to sleep.

-- My SO and I cuddle and hold each other for at least 10 minutes before we get out of bed.

-- Turn on my flat iron, grab a bottled water, and go wake the kids.

-- I go on CafeMom and check messages and comments.

What's the very first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

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