Divorce: Do Women in Their Early 20s Stand a Chance in Marriage?

on June 25, 2009 at 7:01 AM

Jon and Kate Gosselin divorce

Within the tremors of Jon and Kate Gosselin's big separation news, an anonymous mom in Answers shared some interesting divorce statistics. We've all heard that the divorce rate in America is at 50 percent. But besides Jon and Kate and their unique circumstances, who does that effect most?

Young people. Women ages 20-24 specifically. The rate is slightly higher for men in the same bracket.

This age group has the highest rate of divorce of any age group, even people under 20, and FOUR times greater than couples even in Jon and Kate's age bracket (he's 32 and she's 34). In fact, the rate drops off drastically once you make it to age 30.

Here are the stats the mom quoted, from the Forest Institute of Professonal Psychology:

Under 20: 28% of women; 12% of men;

20-24 years: 37%; 39%

25-29 years: 16%; 22%

30-34 years: 8.5%; 12% (where Jon and Kate fall)

35-39 years: 5%; 6.5%

"I was 24 when I got married. It's not all roses and laughter," says CafeMom Sillylins. "But, I didn't let those stats ruin my outlook. My parents have been married almost 31 years. It takes two to make a relationship, and that goes for saving it as well. If you don't want it everyday, then you can easily give up."

What do you make of young marriages being the ones most likely to crumble? What's the biggest contributing factor -- money, immaturity, children, sex, career lust, other?

What does it take to make a successful marriage at 20 years old?

About the author Cynthia Dermody

is The Stir's Managing Editor who has trophies in her home for her skills at the Irish Jig. She makes cupcakes with as many fattening ingredients as possible, doesn't comb her hair for months at a time, and was probably a faerie in a former life.

Filed Under: emotional health, in the news, relationships

Comments (13)

RanaAurora

on Jun 25, 2009 at 12:09 PM

Part of it could be the fact that people EXPECT young couples to fail. I got married one month after my 18th birthday, and we're STILL married over half a decade later, and doing very well.
You wouldn't believe how many comments we've received about it being a shotgun wedding (it wasn't - I didn't get pregnant for about 3 months AFTER we got married), and how we should just wait because we'll add to divorce, how you can't know you're in love that young, blah blah freakin' blah. When society expects you to fail, it's not very encouraging.

But what makes the rates change? First off, are they saying those percentages are all first time marriages? Because it's likely the reason the older couples stay together longer is they've been married before and therefore approached a new relationship MUCH more slowly and cautiously than people who haven't been burned in the past. Also, of course, you have to take into account sheer number of years - a 40 year old has had the opportunity to be a serious couple significantly longer than a 20 year old.

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LuminousMom

on Jun 25, 2009 at 12:40 PM

I agree with Rana. Young couples hear EVERYDAY about how they are EXPECTED to fail. Doesn't anyone realise what affect that could have, and think that maybe instead of telling them "well you are too young you are going to get a divorce"... they should support them and help them know whether or not they are ready for marriage before hand. If we hadn't lived together for two years, we wouldn't have gotten married for awhile I think. Once we had lived together and knew the dynamic worked, then he proposed.

I think it has to do with maturity, stability, and trust. Younger people are still growing into the person they will be, so if (and this is a big if) they find someone they can grow with and accept change, they wont have any problems.. Younger people are still learning about trust and jealousy.. I am a different person than I was when I got married on that front. I used to be suspicious of him all the time. It comes with insecurity. We work through things, we talk, we are open with eachother. Thats our sucess. My parents were married at the same age, they are going on 28 years... but our marriage is stronger than theirs.

It does make me mad when people talk about our age as if it defines our entire marriage; because we are more successful than alot of couples I know in their 50's. We are madly in love and have been for 8 years. We respect and love eachother, and marriage was the responsible "next step" after living together for two years. I was 19, we were engaged for one whole year, it wasnt shotgun... and I got pregnant on our honeymoon. When people make comments about my marriage as if it were nothing but a statistic, it completely undermined how hard we worked for it and at it, and it almost mocks our union. It may be harder but its not impossible. Marriage isnt something that should be rushed into at any age.

aurorabunny

on Jun 25, 2009 at 1:09 PM

I got married as soon as I turned 18 and it was the stupidest move I ever made. I got divorced and then remarried again at 22. I really DON'T think it was my age though because my ex-husband changed after we got married and was a total a-hole, that could have happened to me at any age.

graceandlilly

on Jun 26, 2009 at 1:07 AM

the fact that a marriage lasts a long time is not necessarily an indication that it's a good one

on Jun 26, 2009 at 1:29 AM

True that, graceandlily!

fmchavez

on Jun 26, 2009 at 10:53 AM

I definitely feel like people expect my marriage to fail. When we announced our engagment, I had several people say "Oh you won't make it a year" or "I give it 6 months". Well, 18 months later, we're doing quite well. My parents gave me great tips for a good, lasting marriage (they've been happily married for almost 23 years now), and I've taken those tips to heart.

matthewscandi

on Oct 1, 2009 at 1:01 AM

I got married at 20 hubby was 22. We now have been married 5 years, have 5 kids and are on our second deployment. We talk everyday about everything. We confide in each other and are each others best friend. We WANT to grow old together. We love each other and are always there for each other even thousands of miles away. We knew each other for 8 months when we got married. He had a son and I had a son we adopted each other sons and had three daughters. I think its too easy to just give up a lot off people just don't take marriage seriously.

AriannaJo

on Apr 26, 2010 at 11:12 PM

During the course of a marriage, disagreements will inevitably occur. When couples do not communicate well, unresolved issues may eventually lead to marriage breakdown. Some people get so wrapped up in defending their own position on a certain issue that they don't consider their spouse's point of view. Some people are of the opinion that if their spouse truly cared for them, he or she would know exactly what they want or need. In truth, each partner in a marriage needs to communicate his or her needs and expectations to the other. The best way to do this is in a calm, non-accusatory manner. Be careful not to bring up past issues that may cloud what you are trying to deal with in the present. Infidelity certainly can be a cause of divorce. While it may be possible for a couple to get past the adultery with time and counseling, this can be very difficult. The fact that one partner has engaged in sexual activities with someone who is not his or her spouse is a serious issue.

Nonmember comment from CC

on Jun 9, 2010 at 5:03 PM

My parents got married when they were 23. & have been happy together ever since. Its not the people in their early 20s you need to worry about. its the 16 -17 year olds who think having a baby with their current boyfriend will ensure them that they will be with them forever. im sure people in their 20s are smart. Im only 21 & i love my boyfriend very much. But i do want to date him for another 3 years before i think about getting married. We are not as dumb as we look...