Do You Co-Sleep With Your Husband?

on May 14, 2009 at 7:19 AM

husbands and wives on different sleep schedules

Earlier this week, Cafe Michele Z told us of one great perk from the recession -- many couples are having more sex! I just have to wonder when and where they are doing it, because numerous CafeMoms complain their husbands or boyfriends don't go to bed at the same time they do.

I'm lucky. My husband and I LOVE to sleep. We do it at every opportunity, which, unfortunately, with full-time jobs and two little kids is not as often as we like. We can't wait till we're old and retired so we can take two naps a day: One right before the Price Is Right and the other before we head out the door to catch the early bird special so we can be back home and in bed by 8.

But a number of moms in the Marriage and Relationships group are frustrated with being out-of-sync with their husbands' snooze clocks. Here's how they tell it ...

"My husband always wants to go to bed late, around 11:30, or even later if I don't say anything. I would like to go to bed around 10 at the latest. I just hate going to bed alone."

"My fiance likes to stay up really late, and my sleep is very important or I am not a very nice person the next day. Occasionally I will stay up with him on weekends to watch a movie."

"My husband goes to bed earlier than me because he has to get up at the crack of dawn most days of the week. And he HATES going to bed alone."

It seems some moms don't have a problem with this, and say it's important to learn to fall asleep alone. Others suggest compromise -- here's a really good one from MrsAlmeda:

"My fiance and I have had this exact same problem. It resolved when we had a huge (unrelated) blowout and I moved into the basement. Then all of a sudden, he realized that it sucks knowing that your loved one is choosing not to come to bed with you.

"He still stays up every once in a while, and I don't bug him about it. But if he knows I've had a bad day or whatever, he'll come to bed when I'm ready to knock out. I think you have to look at why he's up late. If the game's on, well, it's not very reasonable to ask him to just turn it off and come to bed, especially if he doesn't need to get up early.

"Another thing that helped, was having him get up early with me so we could enjoy breakfast together as a family. Maybe if you made the mornings more attractive to him, he'd be willing to start getting up earlier, and consequently get sleepy earlier.

"But my biggest piece of advice is this: Pick your battles wisely. You'll need to decide how much bedtime means to you, and if it's really a battle worth fighting in the grand scheme of things. Remember you don't have to win every battle to win the war. Just the big ones."

Do you and your SO go to sleep at different times? Does this bother you? Do you think it's bad for your relationship?

About the author Cynthia Dermody

is The Stir's Managing Editor who has trophies in her home for her skills at the Irish Jig. She makes cupcakes with as many fattening ingredients as possible, doesn't comb her hair for months at a time, and was probably a faerie in a former life.

Filed Under: relationships, sleep

Comments (34)

qtmomof2

on May 14, 2009 at 7:35 AM

We go to sleep at the same time.

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3rdtymsthecharm

on May 14, 2009 at 8:00 AM

back when i was married i was an early sleeper and he would come to bed late. then when the babies came I would sleep with them. so nope not a hubby co sleeper here

momof3girls1999

on May 14, 2009 at 8:23 AM

HI, I am usually the one to come to bed late. If my husband really wants to get lights off he comes out turns them off himself and turns the computer off... That is not often though. I work at night 5-10pm as he works in the day6-4pm and so we can usually get to bed together at the same time. On the weekends when I come in just dog tired I go straight to bed and then he follows unless he falls asleep in his recliner.

As a rule we are usually in bed together....

darkangel88

on May 14, 2009 at 8:35 AM

i am lucky if hubby comes to bed 1 to 2 times a week. we have an oversize recliner that reclines almost flat as a bed and he falls asleep in it. trying to get him up is a pain. when he does lay in bed i take my laptop in with me so if i cant sleep i am in the same room with him or i will put on a movie or the tv on low and watch it.

Lindalu2

on May 14, 2009 at 9:10 AM

Co-sleep with My DH? Nope--I make him sleep in his own crib. LOL.....just kiddin' . But,hey--- all hubbies get to sleep in their own bed with you,right? How else is it done?

mkcosmeticsgirl

on May 14, 2009 at 9:35 AM

My DH and I do not sleep together at all. He has his bed in his room, I have mine. Our beds are kind of small to begin with and we both cherish a good nights rest, something that would not be easily accomplished with heads, knees, elbows banging against the wall or all up in your back or stomach! Not to mention nearly falling off the bed, or freezing your butt off cause somebody threw the blanket off the bed cause they were hot!! So we both agreed that sleeping together at night was not a good idea. We still say good morning to each other and kiss each other good night. And most nights we go to bed around the same time. There's always Sunday afternoon naps...or like last night when I was sitting on the couch and he's on the floor in front of me while I rub out the kinks in his neck, I put my temple to his to give him a kiss and we both dozed off just like that, temple to temple! Things like that are really special to the both of us.

sanskrit

on May 14, 2009 at 9:43 AM

Nope. He snores (not apnea just snoring), I like to fall asleep with the TV on. He needs total darkness. After years of disturbed sleep, we finally decided that we weren't meant for cosleeping. We have separate rooms and have sex during "naps". We still hug and kiss and have a great relationship, lots better than when we were grumpy from lack of sleep. We cuddle in my room, then he goes to his.

amber_1024

on May 14, 2009 at 9:45 AM

Me and my dh usually go to bed at the same time. I work early mornings and he works 3 p.m to 11 p.m., so if I'm in bed before he is, he'll wake me up and we'll talk about his day and frustrations etc! And then we'll cuddle and go to bed! ( = lol

rainbowlight

on May 14, 2009 at 10:01 AM

Two big beds, three baby girls...well, we sleep next to whomever we sleep next to. And mostly we all go to bed at the same time as part of our bedtime routine. That routine helped more than the kids: sometimes I would stay up til 1. Now we stay up only occasionally, to watch a movie or the Tudors and spend a little time together before bed.

mollgirl

on May 14, 2009 at 10:18 AM

We usually try to sleep in the same bed but hubby has lots of aches and pains from a work injury years ago. I have always been early to bed early to rise and I go to bed first.