8 Reasons Moms Totally 'Can't' Be Sexy

sexy moms
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As soon as you pop out a baby, your sole purpose is to service your new tiny overlord. Your body exists merely as a feeding receptacle, one that is useful only to your child. You don't need to feel beautiful with makeup or trendy clothes -- you're a MOM now. So it stands to reason that with your new maternal status, it is time to sacrifice yourself wholly and fully accept the fact that you can never be sexy again. Here are 8 totally not sarcastic* reasons moms can't be sexy. 

*Clearly we are being sarcastic. 

  • Obviously sexiness completely disappears once pregnancy sets in -- so what's the point of trying after a baby?

    She totally doesn't look sensual at all. 

    More from CafeMom: 9 Things Moms Should 'Never' Wear or Even Try

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  • It's not like you can wear flirty clothes...

  • ... or feel remotely confident in your body.

    I mean, look at her, she must be *so* embarrassed. 

  • Everyone knows moms don't have time to do things that make them feel sexy like makeup.

  • There's no way that after having a baby your partner will still find you attractive.

    He's obviously repulsed. 

  • Not to mention your kids will be totally embarrassed by you if you show too much skin

  • Realistically everyone knows that sexy only exists for one type of woman.

    These three won't slay your whole damn life at all. 

  • Just think of what being a sexy mom will do to your little one!

    I mean, all that confidence and ownership of your body will only teach your kids to respect the way others express themselves and learn to love their own bodies.

    WHAT A HORROR. 

body positivity body image time for you