16 Secrets We Tell Our Best Friends -- but Not Our Partners

16 Secrets We Tell Our Best Friends -- but Not Our Partners
Image: iStock.com/AJ_Watt

female friends talking over coffee

My husband is a great listener. I trust him and love him. I plan to be married to him for the rest of my life. But my husband is not Elizabeth. Elizabeth is one of my oldest friends and she is the holder of all my deepest secrets. It isn't that I don't think my husband will understand, exactly, but Elizabeth has known me for almost two decades. 

We survived the single and broke years, the newlywed years, and the new mom years. She's known every adult version of me, and there are just some times where it is easier to confide in her. 

Best friends are sacred safe spaces. They are supposed to be our unwavering ally who gives it to us straight with no bias, and sometimes, it's a little easier to trust someone who can't file for divorce

I'm always curious about other people's secrets and who they confide in the most, so I asked around about what things women aren't telling their husbands. It turns out that there is a fairly high number of women whose BFFs are holding on to some pretty major secrets that partners don't have a clue about. The women featured here asked to stay anonymous, and after reading some of these secrets, I think it is easy understand why.

For some juicy secrets and some surprising glimpses into other people's relationships, read on!

  • The Clinic

    woman pregnancy test

    "My best friend is the only person on the planet (in real life) who knows that I had an abortion when I was 17. She's the one who drove me to the clinic, and she never once made me feel like I was making a mistake. My husband is pro-choice, of course, but it just feels like something I don't want to have to rehash, especially now that we are trying to have a baby." 

  • Social Smoker

    smoker cigarette

    "My bestie never outs me that I'm a social smoker. My husband HATES smoking. I know it is a gross habit, but I can't help it when I hit the bar to play darts. It's part of the fun. She supplies me with a few cigarettes and I get to blame my smokey smell on her. 

    "She also hooks me up with some pot when we go camping, but my husband knows about that part."

  • The Affair

    woman texting dark

    "I had an emotional affair with someone from our church a few years ago. My best friend knows (she's the one who helped me come to my senses), and she agrees with me that this is one thing I should never, ever tell my husband." 

  • Past Pain

    sad child

    "My husband knows that my childhood was rough and that I'm no longer in contact with my family. But only my best friend, who I've known forever and who I lived with for a time as a kid, knows the extent of the abuse I suffered. I was physically and emotionally abused, and it took YEARS of therapy to get to where I am now. I just don't want to bring it all back to the surface by going into all the gory details."

  • Almost Dumped

    man eating spaghetti

    "My best friend is the only one who knows how close I came to dumping my husband. This was back in the day when we were newly dating and we went out to dinner. He was slurping his spaghetti and I am someone who is seriously grossed out by the sound of other people eating. I really liked him, but I wasn't sure I could handle a life of listening to that. 

    "She helped remind me of his other good qualities."

  • The Other Baby

    pregnant woman sonogram

    "I'm pregnant with my second baby right now, but my husband thinks it is my first. He doesn't know that I had a baby at 14 that I gave up for adoption. I feel like I probably should have told him earlier on, but now it feels too late. He'd be really hurt, I think, if he realized that my childhood best friend knows something so major about me. He tends to be a little jealous of our close connection as it is." 

  • The Cheater

    woman removing ring

    "My soon-to-be ex-husband doesn't know that I know that he's cheating. But my best friend Michelle does, and she's helping me make an escape plan. Right now I'm socking money away in an account he doesn't know about. I'm going to screw him financially if I get the chance, and the fact that Michelle is an accountant means she is the perfect accomplice."

    More from CafeMom: Does Your Husband Have to Be Your Best Friend in the World?

  • Hidden Money

    woman ATM

    "My friend Nicki and I grew up together. We were both dirt poor kids, and we have both worked hard to change our financial circumstances. When we were 18, we started a joint savings account together and we've each put in $20 a week since then. The plan was that the account was for either of us if we ever had an emergency. When we started it, we felt like it was us against the world, you know?

    "Now we are 39 and the account has over $40,000 in it. Neither of our husbands know about it. The money is our secret security blanket."

  • Weighty Issues

    person scale

    "I used to be overweight. Not like morbidly obese but like a solid 45 pounds. I lost it before I met my husband in a triathlon training group. He is super fit, and doing triathlons is a major shared passion. 

    "He doesn't know that I used to be fat and my best friend is sworn to secrecy about it. She is really the only person in my life who knew me when I was fat and when I lost all the weight. She also knows that I sometimes struggle with bulimia and is always there for me when I relapse. 

    "It feels crazy, a little, but I know that he can be judgy about people who are heavy and I don't want him to think of me that way."

  • The Virgin

    couple cuddling chair

    "My husband thinks I was a virgin when we got married. My best friend knows about Antonio, the hot guy I met in Spain on my junior year study abroad trip who I actually lost my V card to. That is one secret that my husband REALLY doesn't need to know." 

  • Self-Harm


    "When we were dating, my partner, who is usually more sensitive than this, heard a story about a teenager who was a cutter and dismissed her as 'a typical melodramatic girl.' That comment has stayed with me for almost 20 years. 

    "He doesn't know that I used to be a cutter too. But my best friend does and she helps me feel safe when I'm feeling like I'm spiraling again. I think he'd want to know if I was thinking about hurting myself, but I don't trust him with this." 

  • Never Trump

    I Voted Sticker

    "My husband is a Republican state legislator. He voted for Trump because he'd never, ever vote against the Republican candidate. He assumes I voted that way too. My best friend knows the truth -- I gave Hillary my vote. I don't like her, but I'd never vote for Trump." 

  • Spa Day

    woman facial

    "My BFF and I get Botox together and our husbands don't know. They think our twice-a-year 'spa days' just make us look fresher. We don't want them to know that we are quite this vain or that we spend hundreds of dollars for each 'spa day.'"

  • Budget Buster

    daughter mom shopping

    "My dearest friend owns the best boutique for little girl clothes. Her stuff is amazing, but it isn't cheap. My husband would die if he knew that I dropped $50 on bloomers and $80 on a dress for a 3-year-old. My friend understands so she just tells him that I get a huge discount. But she knows the truth about my spending habit because it all goes to her store!" 

  • Past Love

    women hugging

    "I had a girlfriend in my 20s. My husband has no idea. My best friend knows and is actually still in touch with my ex. My husband would probably think the idea was hot, which is why I don't tell him. I don't want him picturing me with someone else." 

  • An Extra

    bare feet

    "I was born with six toes on one foot. My best friend knows because my mom spilled the beans after too much boxed wine. Nobody else, including my husband, knows. It's too weird! I don't like the idea of people staring at my feet and trying to picture it." 


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