My Patented Method for (Subtly) Helping People Realize They're Self-Absorbed

bored woman

There exist people in this world who have literally no self-awareness and a whole bunch of self-obsession to make up for it, and these people, bless their souls, will talk about themselves forever if left unchecked. They are harmless until they corner you at a party or on a date and talk for 47 straight minutes without ever asking you a question. This is a terrible situation to be in, but because these people pray on kind, non-confrontational people like you, you end up in these situations a lot. Right? Right. Me too. 

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Since I am not strong or cool enough to turn around and wordlessly exit a conversation, I've figured out at this point that there's no good way to get these people to stop talking. 

So, because I'm truly passive at heart, I play a game with them. They don't know we're playing a game, of course, but the ultimate objective is to make them feel low-key humiliated -- or at least gently reprimanded -- that they've been acting like such an asshole for so long.

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It's not exactly fun, but, like ... you're stuck in a conversation with a person who's bad at conversations, so what else are you going to do?

Basically, all you have to do is pick a mildly sarcastic prompt and count how many times you say it before the person notices. Here are my faves:

  • "Uh huh." (Beginner level for sure, but still totally valid.)
  • "You don't say."
  • "Cool, cool, cool." (You end up saying "cool" a lot, though.)
  • "No way." (Combine with really wide eyes and really slow nodding.)
  • "Iiiiinnteresting."
  • "Same." (Just be prepared to lie about the shared interest in mid-century armchairs that you now both hold.)
  • "Coolio."
  • "Wowzah." 
  • "Attaboy!" (Expert level, but very fun to say many times in a row.)

This is obviously a stupidly passive game to play, and you can always just fake a trip to the bathroom or something. But really, you're just sparing all the other people around you who'd have to talk to that person instead, AND, if you succeed, you teach an unaware person a very subtle lesson. 

Best of a bad situation, right?

 

Image via iStock.com/gremlin

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