I have a love-hate relationship with HBO's Girls. I loved the first season, sort of hated the second, and now I'm just not sure how I feel about the third. But I watch it nonetheless.
I don't generally take much away from the episodes, other than feeling glad I'm not a 20-something anymore. After watching the episode two weeks ago when Hannah spent almost the entire time in a small green string bikini, I sort of had an epiphany about postpartum bodies, even though Lena Dunham has yet to have any babies herself.
Now I realize that part of the show is about Dunham's character pushing the limits when it comes to social norms and how we perceive women. Admittedly that's one of my favorite things about Girls.
I definitely started out feeling a little uncomfortable with her showing so much skin, but after a couple of episodes, I got really upset with myself for feeling that way.
Ah yes, how the images of skinny women everywhere penetrate our brains and change how we see things.
Granted, I'm a skinny woman. Slender, as I checked off on a survey recently.
But that doesn't mean I have a great sense of self or body image. In fact, I've never loved my stomach, even before I had kids, and only just recently felt comfortable wearing a bikini.
And by comfortable I pretty much mean pulling at it, obsessing over it the entire time I wear it, and buying one that covers up the parts I don't really like.
So when I saw Lena in that green bikini, I started thinking about me in a bathing suit, mostly because I thought she looked great and wondered if I could ever pull it off the way she did.
Sure there were rolls, and flaps, and cellulite, but to be honest, I didn't even notice them. I heard her voice, I saw her face, and I, for the first time, saw her as a whole person who has a few extra pounds on her. Regardless, she really knows how to rock a string bikini.
I really wish I could take back all those years where I somehow thought my body wasn't worthy enough for a two-piece. All those years where I obsessed about things that I'm pretty sure no one else saw or cared about.
This summer, it's bikini or bust for me, with whatever stomach I have at the time the hot weather hits. I'd love for it to be a little tighter and a little smaller by then, but if it's not, that's not going to stop me from wearing one.
Who's with me?
How has your body image changed since having kids?