I used to believe that I just had a really good memory, and that was why I remembered all the crappy things people in my life did. Sure, there were awesome times, and I have wonderful memories of those too, but it's sort of ridiculous how well I can recall all the bad.
Now I realize it wasn't necessarily because I had a great memory, but because I was a grudge holder. Partially because some of the things were never resolved, and partially because I just couldn't let them go.
If I could go back, I wouldn't have wasted my time obsessing about those things. I would have moved on, resolution or not.
I believe at a certain point in time, you have to understand your own role in a situation, and then decide what you're going to do about it. That could mean you seek closure no matter what the cost. Or maybe it means you decide it was too hurtful and separate yourself completely.
But whatever choice you make, I feel strongly that you have to let whatever it is go once you've made your decision. Otherwise, you'll end up like me, holding onto stupid, painful memories that don't deserve your attention.
Of course, all this is easier said than done, but I'm pretty sure it made much more sense after I had kids and I didn't have the time or the energy to juggle everything in my head.
Those thoughts and feelings don't need to be taking up space in your brain when there are so many other things you DO want to remember and keep close to you.
I'd much rather remember my daughter's first words than the time I had to call the police on my dad.
Yes, it was a big deal. But it's not doing me any good having it sit and fester in my mind.
Everyone has a different way of letting things go, but I've found that actually writing those things down on a piece of paper and then tearing it up or burning it is super effective.
But once you do, I bet you'll find that you're a much happier person, with much more space in your head, your heart, and your life for the really important and amazing things that matter.
The one time that guy said that ridiculous thing to you. The moment your mother made you feel 10 inches tall.
Get annoyed. Get frustrated. Say what you need to say. And then let it go.
You'll be so glad you did.
Are you a grudge holder?
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