Women Who Make Fun of Their Own Weight Are Really Crying Inside

girls in dressing roomCompetitive "fat talk" is the latest craze in girlfriend bonding. What is fat talk, you ask? It's when you are talking with your girlfriend, maybe out shopping or just meeting up for lunch, and when your girlfriend tells you how great you look, you get uncomfortable and say something like this, “Nah, my stomach is bloated” or “My arms are so flabby” or “My ass is so big, it needs its own zip code!” See how good I am at that? I am a pro at fat talk, been doing it for years.

The problem for me, and for some others I’m sure, is that fat talk becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I mean, how many times can you tell yourself how disgusting you are before you really begin to believe it? It seeps beyond just a conversation with your girlfriend, and the next thing you know, your self-esteem is in the shitter and you can’t figure a way out. You don’t want to go to the pool, have sex with the lights on, you are always watching what you eat, and are never satisfied. Fat talk spirals out of control fast.

Sometimes we do it because we feel uncomfortable with a compliment. So if someone says we look great, we immediately need to come back with, “Nah, not really and this is why.” Maybe we all need to work on learning how to take a compliment and just say, “Thank you.” We are our own worst critics and maybe our girlfriends are seeing us for how beautiful we are because they are looking for the good and not the bad, like we do to ourselves.

Another time I find myself fat talking is when a girlfriend is talking badly about herself and I want her to know that we all have our issues and no one is perfect. So, I start pointing out my own flaws -- real or imagined -- bashing myself in a show of support; after all, misery enjoys company, and if I can’t point out my own girth to make my girlfriends feel better, what good am I? Sometimes, we just need to hear the validation when our girlfriend says, "No, you're not honey. You are gorgeous!" It feels good.

But what about when your friend who is gorgeous starts fat talking about herself, saying how disgusted she is with her body, and then you realize, hell, I outweigh her by 30, 40, 50 pounds. If she thinks she’s fat, she must think I am HUGE! That doesn't feel good AT ALL. I learned this one the hard way.

When this happened, I found myself doubting her sincerity when she told me that I looked great. How could she seriously tell me how beautiful I am when she is so hard on herself and she is beautiful and thin?

The worst part of all is that fat talk becomes so ingrained in our heads that we start doing it without even realizing it and then we pass it down to our daughters. It's like a legacy of unhappiness, which is the last thing I’d ever want to do. Can’t we all just start focusing on the great things in our lives instead of the sizes of our asses or the softness of our bellies?

Here, I'll start: You're a great mom. I love the way you are wearing your hair. Wow! You are smart! You deserved that promotion. You are the most amazing woman I know. You are awesome.

Do you fat talk? Stop it. Now!


Image via Jorge Franganillo/Flickr

bad habits, body image, self esteem, weight loss

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nonmember avatar April

I guess I have a different perspective on this issue. I am 17 pounds UNDERWEIGHT and not because I want to be. People, even strangers, have said some of the cruelest things to me. I would never go up to someone and say, "God, you're fat!" But, people have no problem saying the basic opposite to me. Neither do I enjoy hearing how someone would love to "give" me some of their extra weight. Skinny girls have feelings, too! I believe we should stop being so quick to comment on another's physical appearance. It would be great if we could judge a person by their personality and actions, rather than their body size.

Tracy Ribby

This is hilariously untrue! Perhaps I can only speak for myself here but when I make comments about my weight, I am not crying on the inside! I am very confident and secure even is others think I shouldn't be. I like picking on myself because it's funny, not just about weight but even my intellect, my clumsiness, my inability to resist white cheese dip and chips, how my butt and legs looks like I've been beaten with a bag of nickels, my short legs being my get away sticks, my nose that makes me look Arab. Why must one be silently suffering simply because they make cracks at their imperfections? Maybe extremely insecure women are but definitely not myself. I actually like me a lot and wish I could clone myself. 

Jalestra Jalestra

I just know it's truthful. I'm not crying inside because I'm doing something about it. There's no reason to cry when you're doing something about it, but I'll be the first to say (when moms are trying to run and catch the cross light) "I'm too big to run" lol Or if someone suggests me wearing something I feel is inappropriate for my size "a girl with an ass like mine shouldn't wear that". I'm not downing myself, it's the truth. Just because it's unflattering doesn't mean it's not true. To me it's no different than saying "Yellow makes me look sick"

nonmember avatar Zuri

I do this ALL THE TIME with my friends. Not usually about our weight, but if we're pretty or not. Boys my age are always walking around like "I'm cool and I'm sexy and everybody loves me blah blah blah..." when most of them, to be honest, are so not. But us girls are constantly talking about how unattractive we are. I think I've only actually heard a classmate call herself pretty twice. Even the really beautiful girls are like, "I look so ugly!" on Picture Day. Mostly it's just to make our friends feel better, like the other day when my friend was talking about how 'ugly' she is (yeah, right) and I was like, "YOU'RE ugly?!? Look at ME!!! I'm frickin' Medusa compared to you!" And the boys are always insulting us, and eventually we start to believe that stuff. Although some of what I say is true: I'm too big to wear bikinis.

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