Horrifying New Diet Device Sucks Food Out of Your Stomach After You Eat


stomach pumpI've felt for years that there aren't enough man-made, unnatural holes in our abdomens, and finally, science has righted that wrong. Straight from the guy who invented the Segway to help you walk less comes a dieting device that will turn your stomach into a vacuum cleaner bag.

Here's how it works: twenty minutes after you eat, open the valve you had surgically installed in your gut and pump out the contents. It's as simple as 1, 2, holy shit, oh god, oh god oh god oh god, are those my insides?!

It's a terrifying thought, but apparently it works. People who've test run this pump-thingy lost on average 44 pounds. Like gastric bypass, this device is intended for the morbidly obese but is, for some reason, considered safer.

It's not all valves and games, though. There are some issues. The pump reportedly can't handle things like steak, chips, Chinese food, and other heavy foods. (I'd venture to guess that if you had a diet of light fare, you probably wouldn't need a DIY stomach pump to begin with, but who knows.)

I'm all for innovations in fight against obesity, but this seems a little, how you say, crazy. Maybe I'm alone there, and maybe in 10 years we'll all have dinner together then communally pump out the food in the parking lot, but I'm skeptical that this thing will catch on.

I'm now also slightly and irrevocably obsessed with thinking about what kind of sound and smell would be released when you opened the valve. Would it make a sound like a soda can being opened? Or like a twist-off beer? Or would it sound like the deflation of an air mattress? And as far as the smell goes, well, yikes. I can't help but assume it wouldn't be completely dissimilar to that of a dead cat and unpumpable General Tso's.

Would you try this stomach sucker outer diet device?


Photo via dualdflipflop/Flickr

weight loss, diets


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paige... paige8608

This sound so completely ridiculous. Why did this guy think it was was a good idea? 

nonmember avatar CrystalMP

It may work but there's no way that it's maintainable. What are they going to do? Vacuum out their insides for the rest of their lives? That's just ridiculous

schlis schlis

OMG just do it the old fashioned way. Throw up after you eat. (No i do not support bulemia. Just making a comparison)

Jespren Jespren

I'm with schlis, this is just a way for someone to make a buck on bulemia! Just because the vomit isn't going 'up' doesn't make a difference, all this is is bulemia with a vener of 'medicine' on it. What's next, a resturant with a vomitorium attatched (ancient Roman, yes, it's what it sounds like)? This is in no way, shape, or form 'healthy'.

dekumama dekumama

Well, I guess it's safer than bulemia. At least you wouldn't lose your teeth. It seems like people would become really dependent on this thing though. Can you imagine? You would literally never have to stop eating, not even being completely stuffed would stop you now!

jec72579 jec72579

OMG, gross. I'm with the writer on this one, can you IMAGINE the smell?????? UGH

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