People Stuck Some Shockingly Crazy Things in Their Bodies This Year

OMG 32

forkOkay, if Deadspin's annual list of most "interesting" objects inserted in body orifices is any indication, certain people need to make some serious New Year's Resolutions. I am NOT joking. The list is no joke, either -- this disturbing info is extracted from a "searchable database of emergency visits."

Oh my, oh my oh my oh my. What are people thinking?! I mean, it's one thing for a 3-year-old to accidentally get a Barbie shoe stuck up her nose. But why would any reasonable adult even consider sticking THAT thing up THERE? "Well doctor, you see, I just happened to be ... well, there's a perfectly logical explanation as to how I got this toy microphone stand stuck in my ... "

Seriously. Prepare to be shocked, horrified, and fascinated all at the same time ...

Here are just a few of the crazy, random things people stuck in very inapproprate parts of their body this year, organized by body part:

Ear:

PLASTIC DART
PIECE OF PAPER
"TOOTHPICK AND THEN HAIRPIN"
WOOD
SCREWDRIVER
PLASTIC DRINKING STRAW

Nose:

CRUCIFIX
BATTERY
TOY DIAMOND
"A PENNY OR POPCORN IN NOSE, SEEMS BOTHERED"

Throat:

LEMON SEED
MAXI PAD
CHECKER
THIMBLE
THUMBTACK
BUTTERFLY

Penis:

SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"

Vagina:

TOY MICROPHONE STAND
SEWING NEEDLES
"PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING"
HAIRSPRAY CAP
TUB STOPPER

Rectum:

FRENCH BREAD
VIAL OF BATH SALTS
ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH
DRUM STICK
VINEGAR BOTTLE
BABY BOTTLE
"LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"

Let me guess: You're feeling shocked, horrified and fascinated all at the same time, aren't you? An artificial Christmas tree branch?! A piece of timber?! HOW? WHY?

Or maybe this list made you cringe with recognition. 'Fess up:

What's the weirdest thing you've ever gotten stuck in a body part?


Image via viZZZual.com/Flickr

general health

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Shlamoof Shlamoof

My daughter just got stitches for stepping on broken glass. It was embarrassing because I should have ensured that my other daughter cleaned the mess when it was made, but I was tired and fell asleep. We almost went when my second oldest daughter shoved a Kix in her nose as a baby. We couldn't get it out.

nonmember avatar NoWay

Slipped and fell while cleaning ... suuuure. LMAO! Even if you were cleaning while stark naked, I don't think that would happen. HAHAHA!

nonmember avatar Mimi

My son 5, put a jack ball up in his rectum. When asked why he did it? He said to make his sister laugh.

nonmember avatar Hombre

I was cleaning and fell on a toy truck and it went up my vagina? Wtf? Who cleans their house naked? I have four kids and clean a lot and I've never fallen and even came close to shoving anything up my vajayjay. What the actual fuck? And I really feel sorry for that lady's husband if she's shoving trucks up there....just wow.

Melis... Melissa1508

Hahaha!  These are great!  I work in the ER and we once saw a remote control up someone's rectum on x-ray.  Had no idea how it got there!  ;)  PS, I have a thing about tubs (they are gross and can't be cleaned enough) so the tub stopper up the vag is wigging me out.

Bridg... Bridget1981

The funniest ER story I ever heard was from a med student who had just finished their emergency rotation.  He was there when a couple came in (man with a lacerated scrotum, women with black eyes, bruised cheek bones, etc).  Turns out they had been having a good time doggy style and didn't notice their cats in the room.  The cat saw his balls swinging as he was doing his thing and attacked them, which led to him smashing her face into the bed frame!  I cannot even imaging how embarassing it would be to have to explain that one to the doctor!!


 

nonmember avatar Kris

Ive never personally stuck anything up any orufice of my body but wow 2 some of these things and i agree who with kids cleans naked thats a lil odd. and ouch 2 a guy with a spoon or fork n the penis how on earth that one got done dont know

kisse... kisses5050

er doctor i dated once told the story.. which I am sure is not first hand but one of those passed down  stories doctor's like to tell as if it happened to them... annnnyway he said during his residency one night a a young woman came to the emergency room screaming she had vines growing from her... they finally got her to undress in front of a female nurse and sure enough she had vines growing from her vagina... well it seemed before she left  to attend school in the united states her grandmother told her to insert a piece of sweet potato inside her to prevent getting pregnant and it sprouted.

nonmember avatar Mari

I believe every single one, my sis in law is a x-ray tech and some guy had a "CAN" of hairspray up his rectum. Now the falling on a toy while cleaning is HI-LARIOUS! She cleaning while she's naked?? The things people say and do. Tsk tsk tsk.

Choco... ChocolateJunky

I've been told that one of the most interesting jobs to have is being an x-ray tech at the ER. I've heard some pretty disturbing stories. The worst was a man that came in with a hampster stuck up his butt. How do you possibly explain that?!

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