forkOkay, if Deadspin's annual list of most "interesting" objects inserted in body orifices is any indication, certain people need to make some serious New Year's Resolutions. I am NOT joking. The list is no joke, either -- this disturbing info is extracted from a "searchable database of emergency visits."

Oh my, oh my oh my oh my. What are people thinking?! I mean, it's one thing for a 3-year-old to accidentally get a Barbie shoe stuck up her nose. But why would any reasonable adult even consider sticking THAT thing up THERE? "Well doctor, you see, I just happened to be ... well, there's a perfectly logical explanation as to how I got this toy microphone stand stuck in my ... "

Seriously. Prepare to be shocked, horrified, and fascinated all at the same time ...

Here are just a few of the crazy, random things people stuck in very inapproprate parts of their body this year, organized by body part:

Ear:

PLASTIC DART
PIECE OF PAPER
"TOOTHPICK AND THEN HAIRPIN"
WOOD
SCREWDRIVER
PLASTIC DRINKING STRAW

Nose:

CRUCIFIX
BATTERY
TOY DIAMOND
"A PENNY OR POPCORN IN NOSE, SEEMS BOTHERED"

Throat:

LEMON SEED
MAXI PAD
CHECKER
THIMBLE
THUMBTACK
BUTTERFLY

Penis:

SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"

Vagina:

TOY MICROPHONE STAND
SEWING NEEDLES
"PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING"
HAIRSPRAY CAP
TUB STOPPER

Rectum:

FRENCH BREAD
VIAL OF BATH SALTS
ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH
DRUM STICK
VINEGAR BOTTLE
BABY BOTTLE
"LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"

Let me guess: You're feeling shocked, horrified and fascinated all at the same time, aren't you? An artificial Christmas tree branch?! A piece of timber?! HOW? WHY?

Or maybe this list made you cringe with recognition. 'Fess up:

What's the weirdest thing you've ever gotten stuck in a body part?


Image via viZZZual.com/Flickr