Listen up, boys. What I'm about to tell you does NOT give you license to go around groping random bosoms all over the place, okay? So please act responsibly after you read the following words: According to several recent studies, squeezing a woman's breasts can actually help to fight cancer. (Hey, where do you think you're going? Show some restraint!)
Sounds kind of like a plan hatched by a bunch of scientists looking for an excuse to get to second base, right? Believe it or not, there's quite a lot of solid data behind this seemingly questionable theory.
Of course, the whole thing sounds way more legit when you call it the "manipulation of cell development through physical force" (medical jargon for "squeezing boobs"). Even more legit-sounding are the just-announced findings of a study out of UC Berkeley and Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory, which "show for the first time that mechanical forces alone can revert and stop the out-of-control growth of cancer cells."
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Huh. That's a pretty big deal. A pretty big possible alternative to harsh cancer drugs deal.
Not that the boob-squeezing method is going to replace chemo anytime soon, warns Daniel Fletcher, professor of bioengineering at Berkeley and faculty scientist at the Berkeley Lab.
“Compression, in and of itself, is not likely to be a therapy ... but this does give us new clues to track down the molecules and structures that could eventually be targeted for therapies.”
Still, a step in the right direction. Particularly promising: Compression stops (and reverts!) out-of-control cancer cells "even though the genetic mutations responsible for malignancy remain."
You know what, guys? Go ahead and squeeze some boobs. (Just ASK first.)
What do you think about this boob-squeezing study?
Image via Stefan Andrej Shambora/Flickr