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12 Awesome Comebacks for Obnoxious Questions Asked at Your Thanksgiving Gathering

by Nicole Fabian-Weber on November 21, 2012 at 7:15 AM

Drink up.
T-minus one day until Thanksgiving, everyone! You know what that means? T-minus one day until you hate your mother-in-law more than usual, up your Klonopin dosage, and spend the day more or less stifling tears, because when family gets together -- and interrupts your perfectly happy life -- it's a bad scene. And it can make you feel like you're 9 years old again, which is never fun. 

A word of advice: Go in prepared. Expect the worse. Know that the minute you walk into your sister's home, she's going to give you a once-over (and it's going to upset you). And, of course, have comebacks ready in the chamber for the questions and comments you know are coming.

Here are 12 pre-packaged comebacks for you. Pre-packaged like your Aunt Sally's stuffing. (That's right, Aunt Sally, we know your "secret".)

Question: Still single, huh? When do you think you're going to get engaged?

Answer: When you stop asking.

Question: You've been married five minutes already. When do you think you'll have a baby?

Answer: Not sure, but we've been trying non-stop, if you know what I'm saying.

Question: You look like you lost weight. Are you eating?

Answer: No, I'm not eating. In fact, this is the first meal I've had in weeks.

Comment: You look ... healthy.

Answer: I'm pregnant, didn't you hear?

Comment: You know, your cousin is pregnant. Just saying ...

Answer: I know, I heard! Did she find out who the father is yet?

Question: But are you happy?

Answer: I was yesterday.

Comment: Don't you think you've had enough wine?

Answer: Being that I'm sober enough to be annoyed by that comment, no.

Comment: Oh, the baby's fine. Don't be such a worrier.

Answer: You're right. What was I thinking wanting to tend to my crying child? Next thing you know I'm going to want to change her diaper.

Comment: The baby can have a little bit of gravy. It's fine. You kids and your "rules" these days. 

Answer: Your generation smoked when they were pregnant.

Comment: [If you're pregnant] You look huge! You must be due any day now!

Answer: Oh, I didn't tell you, I already gave birth. This is all just baby weight now. Awk-ward.

Comment: When you were little, I would have never let you get away with that.

Answer: Which is exactly why I am.

Question: Do you want leftovers?

Answer: No. I'm good. I don't want any souvenirs from tonight, but thanks!

Does getting together with family bring out the worst in you?


Image via Muffet/Flickr

Filed Under: emotional health


  • dixie...


    November 21, 2012 at 7:37 AM
    HA! HA! Love it! I specialize in sarcasm. LOL
  • Rae.302


    November 21, 2012 at 8:34 AM
    Yes! Im upping my xanax dosage and switching out the wine for whiskey.
  • Cinna...
    -- Nonmember comment from

    Cinnamon V

    November 21, 2012 at 9:42 AM
    Wow it's sad that this happens to a lot of people. Everyone who is coming over our house we are genuinely happy to host. And yes they are all family. God bless hope everyone has a lovely Thanksgiving filled with love and peace
  • RMT1995


    November 21, 2012 at 10:15 AM

    I feel bad that some people have to deal with stuff like that over the holidays! Growing up we celebrated, but not like the events we go to today - My husband has a big Italian family, so it's like going to a party. Even if someone ends up a drinking a little too much or making some asshole comment, so what ... as long as no one is getting hurt, it still creates memories that years from now you'll laugh about.

  • Jessy76


    November 21, 2012 at 10:58 AM

    I am really looking forward to the holiday. Going to the SIL house and watching all the lil kids play will be fun. We have several lil ones. All under 5 and all GIRLS! They are so freaking cute together!

  • Rumsita


    November 21, 2012 at 11:12 AM

    Heck no!  Tomorrow my in-laws are joining us at my mom's house.  Know what that means?  I don't have to cook and there will be 2 sets of grandparents to have energy for the kids.  I'm taking a nap when the baby isn't nursing.  After last night I need it!

  • 1smar...


    November 21, 2012 at 12:19 PM

    Eleven people will be at MY house. And yes, I've got several bottles of wine ready.

  • Mary...
    -- Facebook comment from

    Mary Cimino

    November 21, 2012 at 1:05 PM

    One year one of my cousins and another aunt was talking about his "Life mistakes" and she ws going on and on about how his mother would feel if he got a girl pregnant. His response, "Don't worry Aunt Fran, that's why I stick to Anal Sex." Everyone but her was laughing. Oh, he's a mechanic with his own body shop for painting cars before you ask.

  • MomLi...


    November 21, 2012 at 5:58 PM

    We take it lightly and just have fun, we're 3 sisters, one lives far and can't make it, but we have a great time making fun of our grown kids, who in turn make fun of us, with the help of grandma, letting them in on our chilhood secrets, then we make fun of the husband's, and last but not least, we bring out the karaoke  and get silly wild!! 

  • MomLi...


    November 21, 2012 at 6:00 PM

    "Don't worry Aunt Fran, that's why I stick to Anal Sex."  hahaha!!! sex talk always shuts up those pesky nosey aunts!!!


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