Women bitch about menstruating all the time. Never-ending cramps, having to buy overpriced tampons, the annoying feeling of tighter clothes because of uncomfortable bloat. One would think that NOT getting a regular period while NOT being pregnant and NOT having to deal with all those things would be a total jackpot, right?
Wrong. For the last four months, I bitched about being period-free. I would stress over having a bun in the oven when I had absolutely nothing to worry about. I bought a handful of pregnancy tests, which all came back negative, and gave myself a near heart attack every damn time I peed on a stick.
The reality? After trying nearly every damn birth control pill out there since age 16 and having breakthrough bleeding on EACH one -- I was finally on a birth control pill where not getting a regular period was a side effect. And you know what? I was frustrated. Beyond.
Plain and simple: I've been irregular for years, and for the love of god, it's driving me insane.
Not menstruating was too taxing for me, so once again, I'm on a pill where I have my period randomly throughout the month. You know what's the most frustrating part? There is no easy fix for this. I feel as though I have lost control over my body and it makes me upset and angry all at once. Why can one pill work for everyone else, and not for me? Why am I constantly on the defensive, body? Why can't this be easy?
I feel like I'm choosing between the worse of two evils. Do I go off the pill knowing that I'll once again finally have a normal cycle, but be on edge getting intimate? Or do I stick to the pill and accept the irregularity because, hey, it'll give me some piece of mind.
I know the statistics. I know using condoms are generally 95 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. Still, though, I want to have some control on MY end. I want to be able to go away for a long weekend without packing a slew of tampons. I want to not worry about what underwear I'm wearing in case "it" happens. And most importantly, I just want to feel like a normal woman.
Do you have an irregular cycle? Does it make you as frustrated as it makes me?