15 Warning Signs Your Friend May Be a 'Frenemy'

Twisted 11

Frenemy -- it's a silly word for a not-so-silly situation. Imagine if your friend, someone you loved and confided in, actually had it in for you. Sure, she'd put on a good face when you were around, but underneath, she was seething with hatred, bitterness, and resentment.

It's hard enough to be hated, but when you're hated by someone you trusted, it's a nightmare. The betrayal will cut you to the core.

Which is why you need to protect yourself before you give too much to someone, only to be stabbed in the back later. Here are some telltale signs your friend is really a frenemy (cue the scary music) ...

1) When your "friend" needs you, she's all over you, but the moment you need something -- a shoulder, a meal, a confidant -- she's never there.

2) Your gut. Your gut tells you that you should not, under any circumstances, trust this person. But you can't pinpoint why.

3) Most comments your "friend" makes about you are underhanded jabs, leaving you feeling worse about yourself than ever.

4) She can't be happy for you when things are going well but seems almost gleeful when things are going badly. Whenever something good happens -- a raise, new career, a new love -- your frenemy downplays it or makes it sound like a fluke. 

5) You realize all your conversations with this person revolve solely around her: her problems, her life, anything but what's going on with you.

6) You find out that your frenemy is talking trash about you behind your back.

7) Many of her social media updates involve veiled insults about you or another friend -- and any time you post something, she's always finding a way to make fun of you and be cruel.

8) You start to notice that whenever you talk to your "friend," you're walking on eggshells, never able to say how you truly feel ... because you don't want to piss her off.

9) Rather than giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming the best about your intentions, she takes a lot of things you say or do personally, even when they're unrelated to how you feel about her. And that elicits a horrible reaction directed at you.

10) She talks to you like you're a small, stupid child.

11) She never bothers to return your calls, emails, or texts ... unless she needs something from you.

12) Your "friend" completely ignores your needs, whether they're food allergies or burnout on playing wing-man at the bar. It's all about her all the time.

13) A frenemy will spend an awful lot of time criticizing you. From your haircut (makes your face look round) to your breakup (he's probably found someone better), she never seems to take your side.

14) She's insensitive. If you're struggling with divorce or kids, she'll give you tons of advice, all of it biting and about how wrong YOU are for your choices.

15) Any news shared with your "friend" makes you doubt yourself. If you've lost five pounds, she's quick to point out you better lose more before your husband takes off for skinnier pastures.

What are some other signs your "friend" is a "frenemy"?


Image via Wonderlane/Flickr



To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

nonmember avatar Jessi

Ah, this sounds all too familiar. I had an awful spiteful "friend" who eventually turned into love interest to enemy. I was always wrong, was always walking on eggshells and heaven forbid I made a mistake or misspoke, as per her it was with malicious intent. I found I was sugar coating the truth to avoid her wrath i.e. if I was asked how a not so complimentary outfit looked I'd say something along the lines of "hm, well that's not your color. Let's find something else" instead of outright saying it made her look like a hippo on parade. This eventually ended our relationship as she deemed me a liar and a cheat?? Her and her husband have since made it their life's mission to turn the world against me spreading rumors, fabrications, exaggerations and lies. Ah friendship,ya gotta love it.

EmmaF... EmmaFromEire

Stuck with one at the moment. I say stuck, because unfortunately her and my best friend are quite close. She's an utter cow to me, so i avoid her completely. Have to say, it's so much more peaceful now we don't hang out as a group!!  And jessi, i'm definitely adding ''hippo on parade'' to my vocab, it's hilarious!!!

mnm3boys mnm3boys

I've been dealing with a frenemy for the past 4 years.  I tried really hard to be a good friend I watched her kids when she needed help bought presents for them, and even gave money when they were having financial problems.  In return she poisoned me against a person that she wasn't friends with and later became friends with again and left me feeling like an outsider.  When my husband lost his job and I was in a hard place not even a message asking how I was doing and we live in the same neighborhood.  So after a major anxiety attack at one of her kids parties after finding out that she had been talking about my problems with her other friends.  I finally stopped talking to her and in spite of me she has become friends with a new family in our neighborhood that has been relentlessly harassing my family since they moved in.  I'm waiting for karma to finally catch up with these people.  Lets just say I'm pretty miserable now because of this person.

nonmember avatar Glenda

I have a cpl friends like this...I finally just stopped talking & texting with them...I'm tired of only being needed when their life sucks...The older I get the more I realize friends are over rated & I can be miserable by my self without having a bunch of sumone else's drama dumped in my lap....

nonmember avatar Glenda

I have a cpl friends like this...I finally just stopped talking & texting with them...I'm tired of only being needed when their life sucks...The older I get the more I realize friends are over rated & I can be miserable by my self without having a bunch of sumone else's drama dumped in my lap....

nonmember avatar Michelle

My sister is my frenemy. My whole life has been walking on eggshells. If she didn't like someone or was mad at them, you had to be too, or she would turn on you. When I finally found happiness with my current love, she tried everything she could to break us up. Until she turned on me, her favorite target was our niece. When she started in on our nieces's kids, I drew the line.She is the most toxic person I know and fortunately, I woke up and finally stood up to her. She is no longer talking to me and has started a campaign to turn my family and friends against me. Those who know me well, know I'm not the person she rants about. Those who don't, believe all the lies and have cut ties with me as well. At first I was saddened by this, but my life is exponentially better without her in it. I'm closer to my other sisters now, after years of my toxic sister trying so hard to make me believe they didn't like me or want me around.I feel sad that her life is so miserable and hope she gets the help she needs.

nonmember avatar cay

I have a "friend" who is exactly like this, except she doesn't make too bad comments towards me. I like to make people happy and lighten the mood with a joke (: but whenever I tell one, she tells me not to say it again or it's offensive to her or to shush. Even if it has nothing to do with her! She even told this huge lie to me, made me cry for two days, and told me it was just a joke. She told me she was mad and a bit jealous at me...She only talks to me if she needs something from me. It's hard, because my friends are her friends. I deal with it and act friendly towards her even when she tells me to shut up. I hate having to kept these thoughts to myself. People tell me to stop being to nice and to take action. I just don't like to hurt people's feelings, so all I did is that when she shushed me, I shushed her back. When I did she gave me a look and said,"Really? Wow." I just smiled at her...

nonmember avatar Allison

I have a frenemy, she is the worst. She totally embarrassed me in front of our other friends while we wer all out at dinner, I cried while driving home, she is a fat cow that I am going to make fatter. I will play her own game, I know this isnt the right thing to do but, she must learn how it feels. I'm sick of her bs, she never compliments me and when I give her a compliment she doesn't even say thank you. Soooo. PHK her! I am buying her food gift cards and etc and am going to make her soooo fat. REVENGE IS A DISH THAT IS BEST SERVED COLD.

nonmember avatar Chris

I know what a frenemy is all to well. This guy I knew for about five years initially befriended me from an intimate relationship. He was very nice in the beginning, however I noticed his negative comments, everything I did was wrong, trying to compete with me, trying to learn my weaknesses, turning others against me and attemped to destroy my reputation. This frienemy is nolonger in my life but it was obvious that he was obcesses and jealous of me. He did whatever possible to try to sabotage my life and was very deceptive of who he was. He hoped by his negative comments toward me that I would think badly of myself and eventually fail. I realized exactly what kind of person he was when I found out he was pretending to be my friend but had this plot to use everything he learned about me to hurt me. He started a petty argument during a very bad time in my life when my father died. He had nothing and wanted me to be as miserable and unhappy as he obviously is.

nonmember avatar Calli

I've had backstabbing from men and women alike, they generally fall into 2 categories:

1) Nothing better to do, naturally brainless and spiteful, delight in stirring the pot

2) Jealous of everything I do (common in men) even though I don't criticize their stuff , they do mine. Patronising tone, belittling remarks because I choose to be confident, try new things and take risks. The moment I get a sniff of this sort of stupid behaviour they are out the door. I either confront or if it's not worth my time, ignore.

I fully second the comment that friendship is overrated...it has the capacity to be a monumental waste of time.

1-10 of 11 comments 12 Last