10 Desperate Lengths Moms Go to for Privacy

Healthy Living 15

I took a conference call last week on the toilet. Actually, it gets worse: I took a conference call while standing on the toilet and whispering so my kids wouldn't be able to find me. When they did, I muted the phone so I could hiss, "Get out of here THIS MINUTE and leave me ALONE." Except that I didn't actually press mute.

Oh, the joys of working from home.

Fortunately, I'm not the only mother who has resorted to such lows for a little privacy. Here are some of my favorite Scary Mommy Confessions on the subject ...

1. Figured out a way to get some time to myself. I went in my room, closed the door, and hung a sign that read, "Do not enter, mom is naked." Worked like a charm.

2. I can hear little people looking for me. I am hiding in the closet for some me time.

3. I love my husband dearly, but some days I think it would be good to get a divorce so we could split custody and I could actually have time to myself for a change.

4. I'm supposed to be working out. I got dressed and drove to the gym. I'm sitting in the parking lot playing Angry Birds. This is the only alone time I get. I just don't have it in me today.

More from The Stir: 25 All-Time Favorite Mommy Confessions

5. I love playing hide and seek with my children. They still haven't caught on to the fact that I hide in a different bed every time. Best way ever to sneak in a cat nap.

6. I pretend to have IBS, but really, I just sit in the bathroom endlessly playing on my iPhone. Periodically, I flush the toilet and grunt. 

7. I gave up privacy the day I became a mother. I mourn it every single day. 

8. I go to great lengths to get away from my children. I am currently typing this while hiding out on my son's bunk bed, literally under the blanket. 

9. I wear headphones almost constantly. "SORRY, KIDS! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!"

10. The real prep for motherhood was the dump I took on the delivery table with my first daughter. Haven't gone to the bathroom without an audience since.

Image via Scary Mommy

emotional health


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4cadi... 4cadillac

I can understand the pain. Being a mother of 4 & 2 step kids iz hell enuff but its actually the hubby thats the smotherer. I miss being single.

Em Chappell-Root

On Sundays, the only day my kids are with a sitter while we both work, instead of rushing to pick them up, I lie and say I'm working late, then spend the hour and a half between getting home and picking up my husband doing whatever. Cleaning, reading, sewing. Then I get my husband from work and we pick up the kids together. 

cassi... cassie_kellison

omg number 3! I have thought that one before!

Brandy Wile

I think you should be grateful for even being able to have children. I have to fight every single day for a chance at it and you are bitchin about it?? Be thankful.

Em Chappell-Root

Brandy, you're the reason I feel little sympathy for the chldless at times, who do not understand that being a parent comes with its own stress, and just because we have kids does not mean our lives are a bed of roses, or that life is in any way easier because we have kids. It is a hundred times more difficult. While I love my kids it is at times impossible to do anything, even use the bathroom or load the dishwasher, without someone climbing on me, yelling at me, interrupting me, or generally getting into mischief. We are not "bitching" we're facing the reality of being parents. It is my fondest hope that everyone like you someday has a child, and realizes what an asshat your comments like this make you seem like, and how envy is not attractive. 

JennyM87 JennyM87

@Em My thoughts exactly!! 

Lydia C Bravo

I guess my daughter is a pretty well trained only child. She is very good at playing independently and being "alone". Usually we are in the same room while she plays and I do homework online, read, browse the internet etc. I never really feel like I need to be 100% alone because she doesn't bother me, she does her thing while I do mine. She is 4 almost 5 btw. I know a lot of that is about to change as I am due with number 2 in December, another girl.

Savannah Numinen

I've hid in the bathroom before...I've also been able to get my husband to stay in the car with the boys while I run into the store "quick". Some days you just need some mommy time...you always love your kids, but little things like using the bathroom by yourself or grocery shopping without screaming children is what keeps you sane!

simple smile

Brandy Wile

@Em, I know exactly what its like to have children. I have practically raised my niece and one of my nephews. They both lived in my home while I was a teenager and I helped out A LOT! I am not blind to the 'stress' of children. However, I would be smart enough to be thankful for what I have. Thats the only good thing about those who suffer with infertility. Eventually, when we acheive what we strive for, everyday, it means more to us. We are grateful for what we have unlike other parents.

antfa... antfarmer101

My husband is awesome about watching our girls while I go out. HOWEVER... sometimes I wish he would take them out of the house so I can just sit on the couch and relax, without having to go anywhere lol

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