Forget Making Any New Friends After the Age of 30

friendshipI am pretty sure whoever first said, "Make new friends but keep the old" was in her 30s. The fact is, we all go through our teens and 20s making new friends with ease, spending tons of time with them and bonding through shared activities. But once we reach our 30s all that ends.

Writer Natalie Thomas addressed these issues in a blog for Huffington Post this week. And it's so true. It's so much harder to make friends than it is to date when you're a busy 30-something. The fact is, at this age, most of us are settled into our routine. For those of us who are married, we may have kids and a house and bills. We have jobs and lives that are pretty much non-stop from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. every day of the week.

Friendship? What's that?

It's sad to say that 90 percent of my communication with my friends is via email or Facebook or text. I don't have time for long phone conversations, and if I do go out with a friend for dinner, my husband complains we could have done a date night instead.

The problem isn't that people in their 30s don't want new friends. It's that there is no time. But we should make time.

I never feel better than after I get a night or two out with friends. But those nights are few and far between. The fact is, if I do get a night to myself, I would usually rather spend it alone and, if not alone, then with a friend who knows me well enough not to mind my messy top knot and lack of any makeup.

Friendships take time to cultivate and to keep strong and, unfortunately, time is in short supply in our 30s. It isn't ideal, but it's a fact of the age.

Still, it isn't impossible. The good thing about this age is that the friendships you DO find that make sense happen much faster. I have found myself shedding a lot of the crappy friends I made in my 20s for the few newer ones who are more me. Having less friends isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it also means better friends.

Do you think the 30s are hard on friendship?


Image via WiseWellWoman/Flickr



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starl... starlight1968

I made MORE friends after I was 30 than before.  I had more self confidence in myself than I did in my teens/20's so I was more approachable and more likely to start up convo's etc. 

Tracey Plummer

Wow. I'm 40 and in the past five years alone I've made more new friends than I did in the 15 years before. I've made friends at church, and sitting around with other parents waiting for our kids to finish one class or another, and so many other ways. All you have to do is be open to it.

RMT1995 RMT1995

Same here ... I made more friends between 30 and 34 than I did between going in to college at 18 and the age of 30!

Betwe... BetweenCourses

I'd like to make friends with the "moms" but as just fellow women and not EVER have to see/babysit/deal with their kids. Like the lady not the brats trailing behind

kjbug... kjbugsmom1517

IIll be 30 in november and i swear ive made more friends the past year than i did in all of hs and 20s. I think as u get older you know what u want and ur more open. You click or you dont. U dont hang around trying to click either. Personally im loving having friends my kids ages so that i get mommy time and the kids get playdates. Must help my kids get along with just about anybody so its plesant.

nonmember avatar kaerae

I've made some of my best friends since the kids are grown. It's like you really come into your own as women, and your whole identity isn't as moms anymore, you can just like who you like, you don't just get stuck with your kids' friends' parents by default.

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