refrigeratorIf you were to conjure up in your fantasies the most obnoxious household appliance imaginable, what would it look like? Could it be a fascist refrigerator that sizes you up and then yells at you for pulling out the chocolate pudding? What about a refrigerator that tells you to eat celery instead when it catches you reaching for the Cheez-It spray can? Or a refrigerator that has all of vegan chef Kathy Freston's recipes memorized, and recites them to you when you go for the bacon?

Well today is your lucky day, readers! Such a refrigerator has been invented: It's the LG ThinQ Smart refrigerator. Hooray, hooray! Now you too can own a Nag Robot that also happens to store your food at safely-chilled temperatures. Let's talk more about how this would not be at all helpful, shall we?

I would like to know a little more about this so-called Smarty-Thinky refrigerator, because I can spot some holes in this whole scheme all the way from here in front of my computer. So you type in your weight-loss targets and your BMI, right? And then it uses voice recognition to tell you what to choose. So ... why isn't your refrigerator yelling at you about the foods you put into it in the first place? Like you're just going to stare longingly at that cheesecake day after day while it slowly molds? Maybe your refrigerator should give you a few reminders before you head off to the grocery store.

And what about this voice recognition thing? Does this mean if you avoid talking you can evade the food police? What about the recipes -- what if they're yucky? Can I decide which recipes I input, and if so, what does the refrigerator do if I program all Paula Deen recipes? Does that cause it to short-circuit?

And how does the refrigerator know how much of what I've been eating all day? Does it have a secret camera that follows me around, all the way to work, out to dinner with friends? Because if it's judging me just by what I pull out of the refrigerator, I'd come off looking like a nutrition saint. I don't know ... I think I'd be thrilled if someone figured out how to put MORE veggie drawers into an apartment-sized refrigerator. That would help me way more than any of these bells and whistles.

If you had an extra $3,100 for a new refrigerator, would you want to try this one? Do you think it would help you eat better?

 

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