A Cheapskate’s Guide to Gwyneth’s GOOP Cleanse

gwyneth paltrowIt's that time of year again -- time for the GOOP Cleanse! In case you're wondering, yes, it's true: We live to mock Gwyneth Paltrow and her posh, toxin-purging ways. And this year is no exception. Gwyneth has partnered with her cleanse-guru Dr. Alejandro Junger to sell the "Clean" program. It's only $425 for some supplements and shakes that you take for 21 days to deliver a zippier metabolism and shiny, sanitized innards.

Anyhoo, I scrolled past this "Clean" nonsense since I can't muster the self-loathing to fork over 400 clams for protein shakes and what did I find? Some recipes I'd actually like to try! Because Clean is an improvement over the rage-inducing Master Cleanse -- you actually get to eat solid foods while you're on it. And it occurred to me, if you're looking to get 2012 off to a healthy start, you could do worse than to hack the GOOP Cleanse.


In fact, you could do a semi-cleanse (or at least help yourself make healthier food choices) for FREE by going straight to the back of the Clean manual and checking out their recipes. Mosey on down to, say, page 33 where you'll have a list of ingredients you can put in your Clean protein shakes. Call me crazy, but any number of combinations of those ingredients would make a great smoothie on their own -- without the expensive Cleanse mix.

Let's see what else we find past the shake ingredients: Ooh, some refreshing soups containing no weird ingredients, guacamole (LOVE!), pesto, mango avocado salad, turmeric roasted cauliflower, "clean" salmon salad Niçoise -- the mini recipe book at the end of the manual is loaded with deliciousness. And the recipes in the newsletter also look tempting: chicken wraps, green chopped salad, roasted acorn squash with wild rice, chicken and broccoli stir fry, wild salmon collard wraps, pumpkin coconut stew. I would eat any and all of that!

Okay, so supposedly Clean will help you lose weight, aid your digestion, rebuild beneficial bacteria, and eliminate toxins. But you could do that just by cutting out fast and junk food, eating more yogurt, and pooing regularly. (Ahem, page 28, "What happens if I become constipated?") Oh Gwyneth, how could I have doubted your wisdom? This week's GOOP is a treasure-trove of healthy gems -- you just have to skip the expensive part and go for the freebies!

Have you ever done a cleanse? Would you try one?

Image via Frederick M. Brown/Getty

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