Stroller fitness cults make me ANGRY.I had to giggle a little when I read that women seem to be using their hair as an excuse NOT to exercise. Although I guess it's not really funny. But then again, have you seen the tab many women pay at the beauty salon? Not to mention the price of getting a sitter, if you're a mom! Getting that gorgeous hair all sweaty and wet after paying the steep price it took to look so good isn't funny either. It's totally serious.
And these 10 reasons this mom has for not liking exercise are totally serious, too. See if you agree.
1. I'm tired before I even do one stomach crunch. I have two kids, a full-time job, and soccer practice duties four nights a week, and the small people who live here STILL require my help in getting fed, bathed and put to bed. If only my exercise mat would whine and complain and throw tantrums, I'd probably get around to it more.
2. I have priorities. After the kids are in bed, I could exercise and get all sweaty and require a second shower of the day OR have an hour to myself lying completely still with my thoughts for next great American novel or, you know, with the soothing sounds of reality television.
3. I sweat enough without exercise. You try getting two wild and woolly boys wrestled into soccer clothes, shin guards, and cleats in the backseat of the car in 95-degree heat and then sitting in a blazing hot schoolyard while they practice for over an hour. Can't wait to get home and sweat this day off! is NOT what comes to mind after that.
4. I exercise enough without exercising. Lifting and carrying kids more than half my size. Pushing swings. Folding 4,000 loads of laundry a week. Picking up 100 tiny Legos from the floor every day. Changing the sheets on the top bunk. I think I'm getting a workout around here. But if YOU in any way try to label this a cute "mommy workout," I will fill your gym shorts with daggers. Don't patronize me.
5. Exercise reminds me how much crap I still have left to do. I know some women go on and on about how "relaxing" exercise is for them. How it clears their mind. Soothes their soul. Oh yeah, an hour with nothing to think about but every ... single ... frickin' ... thing on my to-do list that I'm not doing while jumping around in a sports bra. That's relaxing alright ...
6. Die, stroller fitness. If anyone ever says the words "stroller fitness" to my face (they usually just mail me DVDs about it), I will kill them. With a stroller. And claim it was all in the name of fitness.
7. Exercise makes me hungry. Every time I work out, I'm like Yum, what can I eat now that I exercised? So I can exercise and then eat more. Or simply not exercise and eat my piddly guilt-induced-by-nonexercise portions. It's all a wash in the end, right?
8. Working out makes laundry. Um, I already do laundry every single day of the week. Workouts just add to the piles. And yes, exercise gets the sole blame, not my husband who loves to wear two Tshirts a day just for variety.
9. I hate tying my shoes. Go ahead, call me lazy (duh, I'm writing an entire list of excuses as to why I don't exercise ... tell me something I don't know ... ), but I live in slip-on shoes. Even my favorite sandals this season have Velcro. Real exercise requires tying on shoes and ack, who wants to?
10. I'm not doing it for myself. When it gets down to it, I hate exercise because, if I'm honest, I'm not doing it in any way, shape, or form for myself. I should be doing it for my future health and my present happiness. However, I know the truth. I'm doing it out of women's magazine guilt -- and also so I can brag on Facebook and sound as though I'm super fit (while never posting photos from the neck down). I also do it so my kids don't whine, Mommy, please do 30 minutes of cardio every day so you'll be around to meet your grandkids. Just kidding. They never say that. Because they already made the mistake of questioning my problem with eating cake for breakfast sometimes.
Yes, despite these 10 really good reasons, I still try to get in a little movement several times a week. Of course, this only makes me hate myself for not doing it more while simultaneously hating myself for being one of those happy morning bitches you see out walking before the sun is all the way up. See! Two more reasons I'm pretty sure exercise is a function of Satan himself. Exercise, where is the love?
What are your main reasons for not exercising?
Image via Serge Melki/Flickr